"A woman needs to feel appreciated to have sex. A man feels appreciated when he gets sex." "It's not that I don't love my husband. I want to spend time with him but it's simply that daily life is exhausting," working mom Angela Cox added.
Gynecologist and sex therapist Dr. Maureen Whelihan said she hears that from women every day. They're wiped out and so is their sex drive. Whelihan said, "It just sounds like so much work so they'd rather not." So why after a long tiring day at work are men "ready for love" and women are not? "Because sex for men is a stress reliever while sex for women requires stress relief," Whelihan explained.
And stress relief is something that women are often missing. Working, caring for children, cooking and cleaning can leave them feeling not only exhausted but also unappreciated and resentful. "You can't mention enough the grudges women are holding. Their angry thoughts that they think they are expected to do too much and not being recognized by their partner," Whelihan said. There's a simple solution according to Whelihan. It's something she recommends to her sex therapy couples.
Step one: Men should take over the wife's household duties two nights a week.
Petrella said, "Definitely. If you're freed up from those responsibilities I think you're a little perkier at the end of the day." On their night off, Whelihan recommends women exercise, have a glass of wine, read a book or do something that relaxes them. "What my husband and I will do occasionally is when I get home before him, I will sit in his recliner and he'll wait on me. And those are good nights," working mom Laura Masiello said.
Step two: If possible, plan a date night and send the kids to grandma's or a friend's.
"They tell me every day: 'I'm just waiting for that knock on the door.' So it needs to be a night that women know that there are no children coming home," Whelihan said.
Step three: Guys, set the mood. "Really what women want is passion. They want to be touched non-sexually initially," Whelihan explained. Working mom Carol Romanelli said, "Seduction. I'm tired but you can seduce me into it ... very easily!"
Light some candles, turn on the music and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
"It sounds corny to the guy and 'Why do I have to go through all this?' But five minutes of that means a world to your partner," Whelihan said. "Just a touch that's a non-sexual touch that just says, I'm here to relax you. It will always lead to the road that you want. You just have to get it going that way."
In addition to fatigue, hormonal changes, medications and depression can also lead to low desire, Whelihan said.
Friday, 21 November 2008
Friday, 14 November 2008
Cyberdildonics technology integrates telepresence and sex, transmitting or receiving the physical sensation of "touch" across a network
Cyberdildonics technology integrates telepresence and sex, transmitting or receiving the physical sensation of "touch" across a network for erotic purposes.The term was created in the 1980s by internet pioneer Ted Nelson, who also coined the term hypertext. He used it to refer to computer-controlled masturbation devices paired with either a virtual reality environment (allowing users to have simulated sex with remote partners) or a computer-generated partner.In Howard Rheingold's 1991 book Virtual Reality, he described the supreme teledildonic apparatus as a "diaphanous bodysuit, something like a body stocking but with the kind of intimate snugness of a condom." The suits were loaded with an "array of effectors," and someone wearing one could use haptic technology to touch or be touched by someone else half a world away.The idea was seized-upon by the sex industry and they found some technologists willing to help them create a happy medium between the fantastic fetishistic possibilities of Star Trek's 24th-century Holodeck and the limited reality of 20th-century technology.In 1999, porn producer Vivid Entertainment created a prototype of Rheingold's sex suit, a neoprene bodysuit equipped with 36 strategically placed sensors that, at the click of a mouse, could each deliver one of five sensations - tickle, pinprick, vibration, hot or cold - to a wearer's erogenous zones. Vivid was weeks away from launching its product when the U.S. government raised concerns about safety - specifically the potential for pacemaker wearers to be electrocuted and the dangers of electrical surges when excess moisture was introduced into the bodysuit. Rather than risk lawsuits and bad publicity from a series of "Wet Panties Kill Horny Girl" headlines, Vivid scrapped the product and went back to what they were good at - producing porn.The sex industry's labs proceeded to release many rather frightening and ridiculous-looking devices not based on cyberdildonic technology.Men did all sorts of silly things with their penises, sticking them into The Virtual Sex Machine (www.vrinnovations.com) which promised to create "a realistic experience" and strapping on the Digital Sexsations Little Black Box (which plugged into a nine-pin cable port!) to try and get their rocks off.
Girls and Boys who wanted cyberdildonic insertables were sold products that (on the other end) plugged into their computer's USB port for power, but for the most part weren't actually interactive (from a multi-user perspective). The few devices which did allow remote interactivity accepted simple vibrator commands (on/off & a speed control) through a crude web interface. Participants wanting a more stimulating experience going or coming over the wires needed to add webcams - and many did. Once the basic devices were available, many people with toys started seeking drivers and many drivers started seeking people with toys.
The Internet Friends Network (www.ifriends.com) started up to connect these people with other "friends" around the world, and that's when critical mass was reached. As more people acquired cameras and toys, and others acquired the desire to control these devices, the community and the demand grew quickly. That, in turn, has brought about the next logical force of 21st-century technical development: The Open Source Movement.
Open Dildonics (www.opendildonics.org/) is a recently-launched open-source group that plans to develop and provide software and hardware schematics free of charge, allowing the general public to construct and run their own Cyberdildonics equipment.
Its current focus is the development of a working prototype to be controlled both locally and remotely via a computer's parallel port. The device will be cross-platform compatible (for PC and Mac), and the designers want to extend the communication layer to include Bluetooth and WIFI devices for hands-free operation. The possibilities for this second, emergent generation of telepresent sex toys are endless and spectacular.The Sinulator (www.sinulate.com), for example, is a sign of things to come. It has a space-age physical interface that evokes images of Dr. Frankenstein creating a sex toy: a children's driving toy crossed with a garish misconception of sexuality. Using a flight-simulator-like Flash interface, the "pilot" in the "cockpit" remotely controls a Rabbit Habit vibrator in a variety of ways while watching the effects on a webcam. The controls are: throttle (rotate); slider (vibrate) and three buttons that execute combined rotation and vibration programs. Sights and sounds are the rewards for a successful mission. Other sex toys, including an Interactive Fleshlight for men, can also be used with the Sinulator.All a Sinulator pilot needs to play this particular "video game" is access to the Internet. The controls will work on just about anything (Mac, PC, Linux, Palm, WebTV, airport kiosk, etc.). And, of course, the manufacturers have built their own community site (www.sinulatorcams.com) so users of their products can connect online.
None of this, unfortunately, comes even close to simulating the sensations of wet tongues, soft fingers, skin against skin or a warm body in the morning. But if anybody can make this happen, it's the open source movement. After all, who needs to get laid more than Linux users?
"The concept of [cyberdildonics] is something that sounds great," says Cory Silverberg, principal buyer for Toronto sex shop Come As You Are, "but the reality so far has been pretty disappointing. We don't carry anything that's marketed as tied with teledildonics, because all the products out there are horrible."
Girls and Boys who wanted cyberdildonic insertables were sold products that (on the other end) plugged into their computer's USB port for power, but for the most part weren't actually interactive (from a multi-user perspective). The few devices which did allow remote interactivity accepted simple vibrator commands (on/off & a speed control) through a crude web interface. Participants wanting a more stimulating experience going or coming over the wires needed to add webcams - and many did. Once the basic devices were available, many people with toys started seeking drivers and many drivers started seeking people with toys.
The Internet Friends Network (www.ifriends.com) started up to connect these people with other "friends" around the world, and that's when critical mass was reached. As more people acquired cameras and toys, and others acquired the desire to control these devices, the community and the demand grew quickly. That, in turn, has brought about the next logical force of 21st-century technical development: The Open Source Movement.
Open Dildonics (www.opendildonics.org/) is a recently-launched open-source group that plans to develop and provide software and hardware schematics free of charge, allowing the general public to construct and run their own Cyberdildonics equipment.
Its current focus is the development of a working prototype to be controlled both locally and remotely via a computer's parallel port. The device will be cross-platform compatible (for PC and Mac), and the designers want to extend the communication layer to include Bluetooth and WIFI devices for hands-free operation. The possibilities for this second, emergent generation of telepresent sex toys are endless and spectacular.The Sinulator (www.sinulate.com), for example, is a sign of things to come. It has a space-age physical interface that evokes images of Dr. Frankenstein creating a sex toy: a children's driving toy crossed with a garish misconception of sexuality. Using a flight-simulator-like Flash interface, the "pilot" in the "cockpit" remotely controls a Rabbit Habit vibrator in a variety of ways while watching the effects on a webcam. The controls are: throttle (rotate); slider (vibrate) and three buttons that execute combined rotation and vibration programs. Sights and sounds are the rewards for a successful mission. Other sex toys, including an Interactive Fleshlight for men, can also be used with the Sinulator.All a Sinulator pilot needs to play this particular "video game" is access to the Internet. The controls will work on just about anything (Mac, PC, Linux, Palm, WebTV, airport kiosk, etc.). And, of course, the manufacturers have built their own community site (www.sinulatorcams.com) so users of their products can connect online.
None of this, unfortunately, comes even close to simulating the sensations of wet tongues, soft fingers, skin against skin or a warm body in the morning. But if anybody can make this happen, it's the open source movement. After all, who needs to get laid more than Linux users?
"The concept of [cyberdildonics] is something that sounds great," says Cory Silverberg, principal buyer for Toronto sex shop Come As You Are, "but the reality so far has been pretty disappointing. We don't carry anything that's marketed as tied with teledildonics, because all the products out there are horrible."
Women in a loving relationship aren't as conscious of penis size as men.
JUST about every man would like his penis to be that extra inch or so bigger.
Men have always tended to eye each other up nervously when they get the opportunity but the anxieties have probably got worse now that Internet pornography and sex videos are so much more widely available. The men in those are specially selected just because they are exceptionally large, and so blokes get the feeling that is the norm when actually it is abnormal. That said, though, a very few men do have cause for concern because they never developed properly. Statistics for penis size vary but the latest reliable research is that the greater proportion of penises are usually around 5 cm/2 inches long when soft and range from 11.5 cm/4.6 inches to 15cm/nearly 6 inches when erect, with the average being 13 cm/5.2 inches – about the size of a large tube of toothpaste, as someone pointed out. You shouldn't feel too bad if you notice that other men seem much larger than you when you see them in the showers or changing rooms. For one thing, willies do tend to average out in size when it matters - that is erect - and you should bear in mind that, when you see other men's tackle, you're seeing them from a different angle - you're looking across at theirs and down at your own, which has a foreshortening effect.
And don't forget that your penis is very clever, and shrinks upwards and presses itself close up against the body for warmth and safety when you're anxious or cold - as in that changing room. You will probably get a more cheering view of your equipment if you try looking at yourself, when you're warm and relaxed at home, in a full-length mirror, which is how others see you. Even if you do still worry you're on the small side, it really won't spoil your love life - or your partner's satisfaction. Women in a loving relationship aren't as conscious of penis size as men. In fact, too large a penis causes women far more serious concerns than a small one. When I do hear from men who say women have laughed at the size of their penis, in almost every case it is because they were having casual sex with women who barely knew them, and certainly weren’t in love with them. Casual sex is all about judging each other by physique and performance, not intensity of feelings - nor even quality of sex. What really makes a good lover isn't size below the belt but how sensitive and sensuous, informed and imaginative you are. Your hands, mouth and whole body matter as much if not more than your penis, and women get the most exciting sensations, not through the vagina itself but through the clitoris, which you stimulate with your hands, mouth or groin, not your penis. If your partner complains of lack of sensation, it may well be that she has a problem, nothing to do with your anatomy. In which case, suggest she write to me and I'll help her sort it out. If it is your loving that is at fault, then it's not that you need to grow an extra inch but that you need to develop more skills and sensitivity as a lover. Choose deep-penetration positions or those where the vagina is “closed off” a bit. Go for entering from behind, or her on top but leaning backwards – anything which alters the slant of the vagina will make you feel larger to her and increase sensation. In the missionary position, put a pillow under her bottom and suggest she keep her thighs pressed close together with your legs outside hers. Thrust hard and deep – though check with her before and after to make sure she’s enjoying the sensation. If you tend to climax quickly, masturbate often. All penises have roughly the same number of nerve endings in the head. If yours is small, this means it’s going to be more sensitive. The more you masturbate the less sensitive you’ll become, and so less liable to suffer from premature ejaculation, especially if you practice controlling your climax while you’re doing it – explained in more detail in my leaflet on Self-help for Premature Ejaculation. Go for variety. If you’ve made her orgasm through oral sex, masturbation and given her a wonderful sensual massage, you take the main focus off intercourse, which eases the pressure for both of you. Most women find it difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, so she’ll be happy with the change in emphasis.
If you're still worried, you may wonder about pills, creams and gadgets which are advertised to boost penis size. Basically, none of them work in any significant and permanent way.
At best you can waste a lot of time and money. At worst, you could even damage yourself. The vast majority of men are best advised to accept themselves as they are.
Your penis is just one, very human, part of you. Learn to love it.
Men have always tended to eye each other up nervously when they get the opportunity but the anxieties have probably got worse now that Internet pornography and sex videos are so much more widely available. The men in those are specially selected just because they are exceptionally large, and so blokes get the feeling that is the norm when actually it is abnormal. That said, though, a very few men do have cause for concern because they never developed properly. Statistics for penis size vary but the latest reliable research is that the greater proportion of penises are usually around 5 cm/2 inches long when soft and range from 11.5 cm/4.6 inches to 15cm/nearly 6 inches when erect, with the average being 13 cm/5.2 inches – about the size of a large tube of toothpaste, as someone pointed out. You shouldn't feel too bad if you notice that other men seem much larger than you when you see them in the showers or changing rooms. For one thing, willies do tend to average out in size when it matters - that is erect - and you should bear in mind that, when you see other men's tackle, you're seeing them from a different angle - you're looking across at theirs and down at your own, which has a foreshortening effect.
And don't forget that your penis is very clever, and shrinks upwards and presses itself close up against the body for warmth and safety when you're anxious or cold - as in that changing room. You will probably get a more cheering view of your equipment if you try looking at yourself, when you're warm and relaxed at home, in a full-length mirror, which is how others see you. Even if you do still worry you're on the small side, it really won't spoil your love life - or your partner's satisfaction. Women in a loving relationship aren't as conscious of penis size as men. In fact, too large a penis causes women far more serious concerns than a small one. When I do hear from men who say women have laughed at the size of their penis, in almost every case it is because they were having casual sex with women who barely knew them, and certainly weren’t in love with them. Casual sex is all about judging each other by physique and performance, not intensity of feelings - nor even quality of sex. What really makes a good lover isn't size below the belt but how sensitive and sensuous, informed and imaginative you are. Your hands, mouth and whole body matter as much if not more than your penis, and women get the most exciting sensations, not through the vagina itself but through the clitoris, which you stimulate with your hands, mouth or groin, not your penis. If your partner complains of lack of sensation, it may well be that she has a problem, nothing to do with your anatomy. In which case, suggest she write to me and I'll help her sort it out. If it is your loving that is at fault, then it's not that you need to grow an extra inch but that you need to develop more skills and sensitivity as a lover. Choose deep-penetration positions or those where the vagina is “closed off” a bit. Go for entering from behind, or her on top but leaning backwards – anything which alters the slant of the vagina will make you feel larger to her and increase sensation. In the missionary position, put a pillow under her bottom and suggest she keep her thighs pressed close together with your legs outside hers. Thrust hard and deep – though check with her before and after to make sure she’s enjoying the sensation. If you tend to climax quickly, masturbate often. All penises have roughly the same number of nerve endings in the head. If yours is small, this means it’s going to be more sensitive. The more you masturbate the less sensitive you’ll become, and so less liable to suffer from premature ejaculation, especially if you practice controlling your climax while you’re doing it – explained in more detail in my leaflet on Self-help for Premature Ejaculation. Go for variety. If you’ve made her orgasm through oral sex, masturbation and given her a wonderful sensual massage, you take the main focus off intercourse, which eases the pressure for both of you. Most women find it difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, so she’ll be happy with the change in emphasis.
If you're still worried, you may wonder about pills, creams and gadgets which are advertised to boost penis size. Basically, none of them work in any significant and permanent way.
At best you can waste a lot of time and money. At worst, you could even damage yourself. The vast majority of men are best advised to accept themselves as they are.
Your penis is just one, very human, part of you. Learn to love it.
Sex and the Internet were top 10 choices for women to make them happy
“Australians are made happy on a week-to-week basis, not by possessions and achievements, but by entertaining experiences and by meaningful interactions with others,”
Sex and the Internet were top 10 choices for women to make them happy, but enjoying a family meal and playing with pets or children ranked much higher. Eating comfort food scored in the top 10 for both sexes, but the more discerning men questioned said they preferred great food and wine or drinking with friends to reaching for the chocolate. Despite the notion, shopping does not make all women happy - only 30 per cent were happiest when shopping for new clothes, shoes or accessories, the study found. One in two women said reading a good book made them happy whereas less than one in three men said the same, and 36 per cent of generous-natured women said buying gifts made them feel joyful, compared to a miserly 19 per cent of men.
The index was compiled by marketing consultants The Leading Edge who spoke to more than 8500 Australians aged between 18 and 64.
Sex and the Internet were top 10 choices for women to make them happy, but enjoying a family meal and playing with pets or children ranked much higher. Eating comfort food scored in the top 10 for both sexes, but the more discerning men questioned said they preferred great food and wine or drinking with friends to reaching for the chocolate. Despite the notion, shopping does not make all women happy - only 30 per cent were happiest when shopping for new clothes, shoes or accessories, the study found. One in two women said reading a good book made them happy whereas less than one in three men said the same, and 36 per cent of generous-natured women said buying gifts made them feel joyful, compared to a miserly 19 per cent of men.
The index was compiled by marketing consultants The Leading Edge who spoke to more than 8500 Australians aged between 18 and 64.
Young female virgins are increasingly turning to male prostitutes for a "clinical" way of dealing with their first sexual experience
Young female virgins are increasingly turning to male prostitutes for a "clinical" way of dealing with their first sexual experience, Australian sex industry workers have revealed to ninemsn. The women, mainly aged in their late teens to early 20s, are paying upwards of $250 per hour for male "escorts" to deflower them. Global Escorts owner and founder Berney told ninemsn his Melbourne agency had noticed an increase in the number of female virgins seeking their escort services over the last five years. "They're younger ladies who tell us they're virgins … they want to do it gently and clinically," he said.
new study has revealed that fat ladies have more sex than females with "normal weight”.
New study has revealed that fat ladies have more sex than females with "normal weight”.
Oregon and Hawaiian researchers have found that a woman’s weight does not seem to affect sexual behaviour. Led by Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, an assistant professor at the School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii, and Oregon State University professor Marie Harvey, the study was based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth that looked at sexual behaviour of more than 7,000 women.
In earlier studies it was Kaneshiro observed that obese and overweight women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancy than do normal weight women.
Oregon and Hawaiian researchers have found that a woman’s weight does not seem to affect sexual behaviour. Led by Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, an assistant professor at the School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii, and Oregon State University professor Marie Harvey, the study was based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth that looked at sexual behaviour of more than 7,000 women.
In earlier studies it was Kaneshiro observed that obese and overweight women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancy than do normal weight women.
What's the Sex in the City Festival?
Sex in the City Festival, which takes place Saturday, Nov. 15, at 7:30 p. m. at the Blind Beggar (106-5211 Macleod Trail SW). Centre Stage caught up with Lane Friday.
Q: What's the Sex in the City Festival?
A: The Sex in the City Festival is a big celebration of women and raunch. What's going to happen is that the doors (at the Blind Beggar) open (at 7:30 p. m.), and every woman gets to pick her own stripper name. And (then), they're going to wear that for the rest of the night, so they become that person, so they don't have to be themselves. We're going to premiere a one-woman show called They're Just Not That Into Me, about being single in Calgary, and then after that, we're premiering a mockumentary film called No Sex in the City, that was filmed here in Calgary. After that, (playwright and actor) Carrie Schiffler is going to come up on the stage. She runs Dance4Play, and she's going to teach all the women how to exotic dance. We also have sex toy booths and different trade show booths going on throughout the night, so people can purchase different sex toys and erotic things and also, if the women want, they can have their own stripper photo done.
Q: What's the Sex in the City Festival?
A: The Sex in the City Festival is a big celebration of women and raunch. What's going to happen is that the doors (at the Blind Beggar) open (at 7:30 p. m.), and every woman gets to pick her own stripper name. And (then), they're going to wear that for the rest of the night, so they become that person, so they don't have to be themselves. We're going to premiere a one-woman show called They're Just Not That Into Me, about being single in Calgary, and then after that, we're premiering a mockumentary film called No Sex in the City, that was filmed here in Calgary. After that, (playwright and actor) Carrie Schiffler is going to come up on the stage. She runs Dance4Play, and she's going to teach all the women how to exotic dance. We also have sex toy booths and different trade show booths going on throughout the night, so people can purchase different sex toys and erotic things and also, if the women want, they can have their own stripper photo done.
There’s phone sex, cyber sex, text messaging, and webcams.
There’s phone sex, cyber sex, text messaging, and webcams. But how long can these work in place of the real thing? As sexual beings we need physical contact. We can’t depend on masturbating to web images of the person we love for months at a time and not crave some genuine personal contact. Touch is an extremely important element in human relationships. Plus, phone sex can be really awkward. I tried having phone sex with a friend once when I was 14 and it was both weird and hilarious. “Weird” and “hilarious” are not words that should be associated with anything sexual, unless that’s what you’re going for. Webcams can be weird too. Watching yourself on camera can be strange and impersonal. In fact, it can be downright uncomfortable for some people. When two people live in the same place there are basic worries about temptation and cheating, so living away from your significant other, never really knowing what they’re doing, only adds more to that paranoia and stress. Plus, not being around your boyfriend or girlfriend for long periods of time can often give your eyes time to wander. Your significant other isn’t here, but this other really great person is. What do you do? Are long distance relationships really worth all the stress? It depends on the state of the relationship to begin with. So far I’ve been heavily bashing long distance relationships, but if you find someone you really love then I guess it's natural to want to make it work regardless of where they go. If you are set on making your long distance relationship work, both parties definitely have to put in a lot of effort and set guidelines. First, make sure you and your boyfriend /girlfriend are on the same page about the Facebook status of your relationship. Is it open, dating, serious, engaged, complicated? Make sure you both understand how the other feels about the commitment level of the relationship.
Make sure you talk to your number one everyday, in some way. Whether it’s a long phone call, a chat on MSN Messenger, or a quick e-mail, try to keep in contact with them in order to maintain a sense of connectedness. Try to visit as much as you can.
Most importantly, know when it’s just not working. Break-ups are tough in any relationship, but can be especially hard in the long distance situation. When all your conversations become one-sided, arguments become frequent, and the entire relationship just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's probably time to re-evaluate. Being in a long distance relationship is a big commitment and can be emotionally trying. Before you enter into one, weigh the pros and cons and consider whether it’s something you, and your partner, are ready for.
Make sure you talk to your number one everyday, in some way. Whether it’s a long phone call, a chat on MSN Messenger, or a quick e-mail, try to keep in contact with them in order to maintain a sense of connectedness. Try to visit as much as you can.
Most importantly, know when it’s just not working. Break-ups are tough in any relationship, but can be especially hard in the long distance situation. When all your conversations become one-sided, arguments become frequent, and the entire relationship just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's probably time to re-evaluate. Being in a long distance relationship is a big commitment and can be emotionally trying. Before you enter into one, weigh the pros and cons and consider whether it’s something you, and your partner, are ready for.
CYBER SEX WARNING
An anonymous girl lets call her Jen, is a junior in college attending school in Colorado, like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness college life has to offer. Jen being the computer science major that she is does however have a lot of work to do on her computer so when she's not out having a good time, she's working her but off designing computer programs and installing software. One day, soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was home alone on a Friday night for the first time in the three years they had been dating. She was sad alone and depressed, so she decided to make a new homepage. She was playing on the net when she decided to get onto a chat line, being the wild psycho she is she decided to get onto a sex line. So Jen got onto a sex chat line and started playing around on it. Over the line, she met a guy who identified himself as Jeremy, she started playing with him, she gave a false name, saying her name was "Katie" and started getting into detail about what she would like to do to him with her tongue. He responded by telling her to picture being naked while his hands ran over every square inch of her body. Soon they were having cybersex. This went on for awhile, and then she got off the line agreeing to meet him back on the line the following night. Saturday night rolls around, and Jen is on the line with Jeremy again, they become even closer this night, so they continue like this for a week. At the end of the week, they started talking about other things, and got into very intimate issues and feelings. They became close, exchanging their lives, Jen didn't tell Jeremy she was in college, because she was afraid of sounding like an immature college girl. She felt guilty, but after a few weeks, she really liked this guy.
This went on the two of them like this for months, and months turned into a year. By the end of the year they had exchanged the most intimate thoughts, and yet had never even spoken on the phone. They were afraid of ruining the mystery. They had done everything sexually possible over the net, they were affectionate as well, waiting for the day that they could some day be together. They finally decided they had had enough. They wanted to meet each other, they were in love and they had to meet. They didn't care about age or looks or anything but each other. Jeremy told Jen he thought she could be his next wife. Jen was weary at first but decided she didn't care how old he was or how ugly she loved him, he was the only one she could feel comfortable with. so...they planned a trip to meet in Vail, Colorado. They were going to spend the weekend together and finally meet. Jen didn't want the hassle of having to find him, so she said, why don't you just get the room and we'll meet in the room that way there will be no mistake. Jeremy agreed. Jen showed up at the resort first, and checked into the room telling the desk lady to hold the key for the next party, so she went into the room. She wanted things to be special so she lit some candles, put on some music. She stripped naked and climbed into the bed under the covers, deciding to surprise Jeremy when he got there. The time soon came, the lights were out, the mood was right, and she heard a key in the door. She heard someone walk in and around the corner and she whispered, "Jeremy". Jeremy said, "Katie?" (this was the false name she had given him.) Yes she said, so he fumbled for the light, and turned it on to see Jen on the bed naked before him. Then next thing heard around the world were two blood curling screams. Jen covered herself up, and with her most humiliating voice said, "dad?" and Jeremy said, "JEN!!!"
This went on the two of them like this for months, and months turned into a year. By the end of the year they had exchanged the most intimate thoughts, and yet had never even spoken on the phone. They were afraid of ruining the mystery. They had done everything sexually possible over the net, they were affectionate as well, waiting for the day that they could some day be together. They finally decided they had had enough. They wanted to meet each other, they were in love and they had to meet. They didn't care about age or looks or anything but each other. Jeremy told Jen he thought she could be his next wife. Jen was weary at first but decided she didn't care how old he was or how ugly she loved him, he was the only one she could feel comfortable with. so...they planned a trip to meet in Vail, Colorado. They were going to spend the weekend together and finally meet. Jen didn't want the hassle of having to find him, so she said, why don't you just get the room and we'll meet in the room that way there will be no mistake. Jeremy agreed. Jen showed up at the resort first, and checked into the room telling the desk lady to hold the key for the next party, so she went into the room. She wanted things to be special so she lit some candles, put on some music. She stripped naked and climbed into the bed under the covers, deciding to surprise Jeremy when he got there. The time soon came, the lights were out, the mood was right, and she heard a key in the door. She heard someone walk in and around the corner and she whispered, "Jeremy". Jeremy said, "Katie?" (this was the false name she had given him.) Yes she said, so he fumbled for the light, and turned it on to see Jen on the bed naked before him. Then next thing heard around the world were two blood curling screams. Jen covered herself up, and with her most humiliating voice said, "dad?" and Jeremy said, "JEN!!!"
Teledildonics, also known as cyberdildoniclovers are going at it day and night — whenever they’ve recovered from the last realistic virtual sex romp.
lovers are going at it day and night — whenever they’ve recovered from the last realistic virtual sex romp. Whether a mile down the road or completely across the globe, lovers are delighting in the Internet’s version of sexual intimacy, which seems to know no end.Long-distance relationships used to be such a drag. While nothing can replace the joys of real human touch, technology is making it a lot easier — and racier — to love from afar. Tech sex can keep you pining for each other and ready for action at a moment’s notice, and quite literally at that.
Heated sex play used to consist of shooting instant messages to one another, piquing one another's interest in chatrooms or wooing each other in online interactive worlds. Suddenly, Internet-enabled sex toys are all the rage.Teledildonics, also known as cyberdildonics, combines sex with telepresence (the experience of being “present” in a real-time, real-world situation regardless of where you’re physically located). This realistic virtual sex involves sex toys that can be controlled for your pleasure via your computer over the World Wide Web. All you have to do is download the sex toy’s software, then plug the device into your computer, and you’re in business.Lovers can then log onto the ‘net and relish in controlling each other’s toys remotely. This typically involves controlling the vibrations of faux genitalia. A popular combination of this is the Interactive Fleshlight and Sinulator.The Interactive Fleshlight is a sleeve (for the guys) that is compatible with the name brand Sinulator wireless vibrator. The Sinulator connects to any Windows computer with an Internet connection. While the male plays with the Fleshlight, vibrations are sent through the Sinulator to his female counterpart.
These products, as well as similar devices, also contain gadgets that allow lovers to adjust the virtual sex to a rhythm of their liking. Really tech-savvy partners may want to go all out, hooking up their Webcams or using instant messaging to add an audio component.Adventurous lovers are finding that tech sex is changing their relationships for the better. This mode of sex is great in that:
It enables lovers to stay in touch with the objects of their affection, as in practically in touch.Online sex communication makes in-person, offline sex talks that much easier.
People are exploring new sexual frontiers, piquing each other’s interest as they amp up their sexual fantasies and erotic stories as never before.
Now, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that such sex play is not everyone’s cup of tea. I can appreciate its benefits, but I'm a slave to my computer. Getting me in the mood involves getting me away from my PC. Luckily, for those of us up for technological inspirations of a different sort, there are other options.
Your cell phone can offer you more than the buzz of its vibrating ring option. Vibrators are now available that work wirelessly with your cell phone. When you call your lover, or vice versa, the vibrator is activated, triggering a patterned, vibrating sequence for the duration of your conversation.
Other cell phone vibrators depend on text messaging. Sex partners can engage in some solo pleasuring, titillating each other with scintillating IMs. Lovers wear the wireless, bullet vibrator over their favorite hot spots. The gadget is activated when you receive a text message.While some of these devices may seem a bit far out, they can be well worth your “sexperimentation,” taking you beyond the physical and virtual. Given the amount of intimacy people share, Internet sex enthusiasts claim it can be quite the emotional and mental experience.Who knows? You may find yourself aroused as you’ve never known before.
Heated sex play used to consist of shooting instant messages to one another, piquing one another's interest in chatrooms or wooing each other in online interactive worlds. Suddenly, Internet-enabled sex toys are all the rage.Teledildonics, also known as cyberdildonics, combines sex with telepresence (the experience of being “present” in a real-time, real-world situation regardless of where you’re physically located). This realistic virtual sex involves sex toys that can be controlled for your pleasure via your computer over the World Wide Web. All you have to do is download the sex toy’s software, then plug the device into your computer, and you’re in business.Lovers can then log onto the ‘net and relish in controlling each other’s toys remotely. This typically involves controlling the vibrations of faux genitalia. A popular combination of this is the Interactive Fleshlight and Sinulator.The Interactive Fleshlight is a sleeve (for the guys) that is compatible with the name brand Sinulator wireless vibrator. The Sinulator connects to any Windows computer with an Internet connection. While the male plays with the Fleshlight, vibrations are sent through the Sinulator to his female counterpart.
These products, as well as similar devices, also contain gadgets that allow lovers to adjust the virtual sex to a rhythm of their liking. Really tech-savvy partners may want to go all out, hooking up their Webcams or using instant messaging to add an audio component.Adventurous lovers are finding that tech sex is changing their relationships for the better. This mode of sex is great in that:
It enables lovers to stay in touch with the objects of their affection, as in practically in touch.Online sex communication makes in-person, offline sex talks that much easier.
People are exploring new sexual frontiers, piquing each other’s interest as they amp up their sexual fantasies and erotic stories as never before.
Now, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that such sex play is not everyone’s cup of tea. I can appreciate its benefits, but I'm a slave to my computer. Getting me in the mood involves getting me away from my PC. Luckily, for those of us up for technological inspirations of a different sort, there are other options.
Your cell phone can offer you more than the buzz of its vibrating ring option. Vibrators are now available that work wirelessly with your cell phone. When you call your lover, or vice versa, the vibrator is activated, triggering a patterned, vibrating sequence for the duration of your conversation.
Other cell phone vibrators depend on text messaging. Sex partners can engage in some solo pleasuring, titillating each other with scintillating IMs. Lovers wear the wireless, bullet vibrator over their favorite hot spots. The gadget is activated when you receive a text message.While some of these devices may seem a bit far out, they can be well worth your “sexperimentation,” taking you beyond the physical and virtual. Given the amount of intimacy people share, Internet sex enthusiasts claim it can be quite the emotional and mental experience.Who knows? You may find yourself aroused as you’ve never known before.
Obsessed with sex and awash with pornography
Profoundly worrying underbelly to Second Life. Far from being a harmless fantasy world, it is a cyber-society where conventional morality has been set aside in favour of a far darker and more worrying pattern of behaviour. Obsessed with sex and awash with pornography, it is a 'place' where the behaviour of some of its 'residents' is so deeply unedifying it beggars belief that it could ever have been hailed as a lighthearted retreat from the real world. So what exactly is Second Life and who uses it? Put simply, it's a computer chat room on steroids. Users log on to an internet site and are then able to communicate with other users around the world. The novelty lies in the fact that communication isn't just verbal.
While users chat with one another by tapping in questions and comments on their keyboards, they are also represented on screen by their own virtual character, or avatar.As in a computer game, these characters are controlled by the users via their keyboards - and can be made to walk or fly around the virtual world, the simulated landscape - that is Second Life.
Friday, 7 November 2008
Try to meet everyone you start corresponding online with within 7 days
It may seem silly, but in order to make sure you don’t waste time sitting across from one loser after the next, here are a few ways to limit the number of freaks you meet and perhaps find a decent guy along the way.
Say Cheese Unless you are a professional photographer, make the investment to have your pictures done in a studio with an expert. Lighting can make or break all of us, so an in studio light controlled environment will make you look your best. Unfortunately when we date on-line first visual impression means a whole lot, so spend the money!
Stay In The Present Oh, and speaking of pictures, please, oh please, take a present-day one! So much misrepresentation occurs online, especially with regards to appearance. I have no idea why online daters do this– don’t they realize that in the very near future they are actually going to be meeting the person that they correspond with? When someone posts a picture that is 10 years old and they show up to a first date looking that much older, it is not a good thing.
Keep It Simple When writing your online profile, please don’t write an online biography! Learn to speak in sound bites. Sound bites, for all of you non-media savvy people, are short sentences that quickly, effectively, and memorably summarize what you are trying to say. A long, drawn out profile will only make you look egotistical. Plus, it’s a great idea to save all of these special facts for a face to face meeting.
Lost In Translation Don’t spend a lot of time using the instant messenger feature on these dating sites for deep meaningful conversation. A lot of online daters come down with a touch of what I like to call “Artificial Confidence.” This is when the user develops an overpowering sense of confidence, high self esteem and quick witted humor. This comes from the fact that it is a heck of a lot easier to be courageous, risqué and fun when you’re sitting behind your keyboard in the comfort of your own home. The big challenge is to see if your potential love interest can keep up his Don Juan rhetoric in person.
The Seven Day Rule Here is the most important rule of all, Try to meet everyone you start corresponding online with within 7 days. A lot of people online who masquerade as love seekers are only online to get their ego’s stroked through cyber-flirting with no intention of sitting face to face with the person they are corresponding with. The “cyber-affair” is empty and ultimately a big waste of time.
Up Close And Personal Arrange all of your online first face to face dates during the day at comfortable coffee shops that are close to your home. Plan to take a weekend and meet all of your love prospects on Saturday and Sunday afternoon of the same weekend. Schedule accordingly with 20 minute travel time between meeting places. Do not spend more than 45 minutes getting to know them. You will look like you have a life if you don’t sit there all afternoon. Meeting someone in person will give you a concrete idea of who you should pursue and who you should dismiss
Say Cheese Unless you are a professional photographer, make the investment to have your pictures done in a studio with an expert. Lighting can make or break all of us, so an in studio light controlled environment will make you look your best. Unfortunately when we date on-line first visual impression means a whole lot, so spend the money!
Stay In The Present Oh, and speaking of pictures, please, oh please, take a present-day one! So much misrepresentation occurs online, especially with regards to appearance. I have no idea why online daters do this– don’t they realize that in the very near future they are actually going to be meeting the person that they correspond with? When someone posts a picture that is 10 years old and they show up to a first date looking that much older, it is not a good thing.
Keep It Simple When writing your online profile, please don’t write an online biography! Learn to speak in sound bites. Sound bites, for all of you non-media savvy people, are short sentences that quickly, effectively, and memorably summarize what you are trying to say. A long, drawn out profile will only make you look egotistical. Plus, it’s a great idea to save all of these special facts for a face to face meeting.
Lost In Translation Don’t spend a lot of time using the instant messenger feature on these dating sites for deep meaningful conversation. A lot of online daters come down with a touch of what I like to call “Artificial Confidence.” This is when the user develops an overpowering sense of confidence, high self esteem and quick witted humor. This comes from the fact that it is a heck of a lot easier to be courageous, risqué and fun when you’re sitting behind your keyboard in the comfort of your own home. The big challenge is to see if your potential love interest can keep up his Don Juan rhetoric in person.
The Seven Day Rule Here is the most important rule of all, Try to meet everyone you start corresponding online with within 7 days. A lot of people online who masquerade as love seekers are only online to get their ego’s stroked through cyber-flirting with no intention of sitting face to face with the person they are corresponding with. The “cyber-affair” is empty and ultimately a big waste of time.
Up Close And Personal Arrange all of your online first face to face dates during the day at comfortable coffee shops that are close to your home. Plan to take a weekend and meet all of your love prospects on Saturday and Sunday afternoon of the same weekend. Schedule accordingly with 20 minute travel time between meeting places. Do not spend more than 45 minutes getting to know them. You will look like you have a life if you don’t sit there all afternoon. Meeting someone in person will give you a concrete idea of who you should pursue and who you should dismiss
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Sex toys for women ,Sex toys aren’t for everyone, but they do tend to spice up things in the bedroom,and I’m a huge fan of trying everything
Dildos
These come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some phallic, others, disturbingly, in the shape of animals, some curved for g-spot stimulation, and others with an extra bit for clitoral stimulation.
It’s best to visit a sex store to determine what is best for you. If it’s your first time, I strongly recommend Venus Envy in Halifax, as they’re very female friendly, and are open to any sort of questions you may have, They also offer workshops. For those of you who aren’t open to shoving something man-made inside of you, there are also vegetable options in the grocery store, zucchini, cucumbers, and maybe an interestingly shaped butternut squash.
Vibrators
I know this is a general term, but sometimes you just want a simple phallic shaped device (and if not, watch the Sex and the City episode where they talk about the Rabbit vibe). There’s also one promoted by Fantasia parties, lovingly termed the Disco Dick, as it glows in a variety of colours and pulses. In addition, there's the iVibe, but it’s just something you can plug your ipod into so it’ll pulse along to the music.
There are many many options out there, and it’s best to visit a sex store (Venus Envy in Halifax, or Xclusive Boutique in Moncton), visit a sex toy party (http://www.fantasia.ca), or look online for the best option.
Keep in mind that the above list was just the basics, to introduce you to what’s out there, I strongly encourage you to visit a sex store (if you’re nervous, say you’re doing research for a sex column) or look online for various options. Sex toys aren’t for everyone, but they do tend to spice up things in the bedroom, and I’m a huge fan of trying everything at least once.
These come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some phallic, others, disturbingly, in the shape of animals, some curved for g-spot stimulation, and others with an extra bit for clitoral stimulation.
It’s best to visit a sex store to determine what is best for you. If it’s your first time, I strongly recommend Venus Envy in Halifax, as they’re very female friendly, and are open to any sort of questions you may have, They also offer workshops. For those of you who aren’t open to shoving something man-made inside of you, there are also vegetable options in the grocery store, zucchini, cucumbers, and maybe an interestingly shaped butternut squash.
Vibrators
I know this is a general term, but sometimes you just want a simple phallic shaped device (and if not, watch the Sex and the City episode where they talk about the Rabbit vibe). There’s also one promoted by Fantasia parties, lovingly termed the Disco Dick, as it glows in a variety of colours and pulses. In addition, there's the iVibe, but it’s just something you can plug your ipod into so it’ll pulse along to the music.
There are many many options out there, and it’s best to visit a sex store (Venus Envy in Halifax, or Xclusive Boutique in Moncton), visit a sex toy party (http://www.fantasia.ca), or look online for the best option.
Keep in mind that the above list was just the basics, to introduce you to what’s out there, I strongly encourage you to visit a sex store (if you’re nervous, say you’re doing research for a sex column) or look online for various options. Sex toys aren’t for everyone, but they do tend to spice up things in the bedroom, and I’m a huge fan of trying everything at least once.
Janet and her husband started swinging seven years, they had rules governing the various permutations of what they would do, and with whom.
Janet and her husband started swinging seven years, they had rules governing the various permutations of what they would do, and with whom."I had so many rules when we started off," says Janet, sitting in the courtyard of a San Marco nightclub with several swinging friends. "But now, seven years later, it's like, whatever."
One thing though: There will be no cheating. Sure, her husband travels a lot on business, and she's given him permission to have sex with other women while he's away. Just tell her about it, she says.Don't keep it a secret. That would be cheating.He's lived up to his word: One time, on a trip, he called Janet on the telephone after he'd been with another woman. He sounded a little bummed, Janet remembers. "He even said, 'It wasn't as much fun without you.' "It wasn't as much fun without you. That, say some swingers, is key to understanding what they call "the lifestyle." Swinging is a couple's thing, they say. It won't save a bad or sexless marriage. But it does spice up their marriages, allow them to explore their sexuality, and keep their emotions open, they say - without cheating on their spouses. After all, their spouses are in on the game.It's true, says Stacy, a personal trainer who makes it clear that she likes to swing. Just so long as it's with her husband, William, who works for a supermarket chain.She smiles. "I don't do anything without him. Period."To many, the swinging lifestyle calls to mind the shaggy-haired, free-love 1970s, an era depicted again this summer in the TV show Swingtown, which became a moderate-sized hit.That's far from the reality today, though, says Todd Crawford, who, with his wife, Elena, runs www.lovevoodoo.com, a Web site for swingers, which claims around 100,000 registered members.
Crawford, 38, who lives in the Washington, D.C., area, says the lifestyle used to be underground and word-of-mouth - it was difficult to meet others with similar interests.But the swinging industry has boomed in the age of the Internet, which has allowed on-line communities of swingers to make real-world connections, complete with real-time video and texting. Web sites such as Craigslist are full of personal ads from swinging couples in cities across the country - including Jacksonville. And online sites let them know about swinging conventions attended by thousands, swinging cruises and swinging clubs.Florida, a vacation destination and cruise center, is a hotbed for swingers, says Crawford: "More South Florida than Northern Florida, but Florida's absolutely the biggest market in the United States."He has a saying: "What happens in Florida stays in Florida."On this Saturday night at a club in San Marco, it's a pool party, and yes, there is a little toy pool in one corner of the courtyard. Many men have the requisite tank-top and baggy shorts look going. Only a few women have swimsuits, but they're definitely more exotic than you'd normally see on a beach - elaborate one-piece affairs made up of thin criss-crossing strips of fabric. High heels too.At first glance, it could be any dance club, any "vanilla" club, as swingers call mainstream joints. Sure, on the dance floor there's some grinding going on. And sure, one woman nuzzles another's breasts, then leans down to kiss her bellybutton. In this Girls Gone Wild world, how strange is that?Stick around, though, and you'll notice something unusual: It gets difficult to keep couples straight. There's no guarantee that the person snuggling on someone else's lap is a spouse or significant other, and lap-sitters seem to come and go.
Five clubgoers sit down and agree to talk with a reporter about their swinging, and they're a friendly, open bunch. They're friends who hang out together with their kids, for family-friendly parties and weekends. Indeed, they're so open, some of their more frank comments could never make it into this story.However, they know that what they do is taboo, quite possibly ruinous to jobs and family ties and "vanilla" friends. So they talk only under the condition that their real names not be used.And they all stress one thing: It's the woman who rules in a healthy swingers' relationship. Oh, it may often be the man who raises the issue. "Um, honey, I was thinking . . ."But it's the woman who decides if they swing, and how much, and with whom, they say."If you ask any woman here, it's about the women," Stacy says.Her husband, William, grins. Stacy is slim and blonde, a knockout. "The women are the currency," he says. "They have all the pull. Without the women, we're just another single guy."They've come to the club for a party sponsored by Underground Eden (www.undergroundjax.com), a Jacksonville-based one-woman business that caters to swingers. Maggie Barrington calls herself a "party organizer," one who simply provides a place for couples - "broad-minded adults" is her preferred term - to meet other couples.They meet in San Marco on Saturdays, at a Southside bar on Fridays. They check out attractive people, she says. They strike up friendships. They see if there's chemistry. They flirt.Maggie, who's something of a kindly den mother to her customers, likes to see the flirting. "It's kind of sad to think that when you get married in your 20s, you're never supposed to flirt again," she says.
Other parts of Florida, particularly in South Florida, have clubs dedicated to swingers, with rooms on-premises where sex takes place. That's not the case in Jacksonville, she says. "Nobody's having sex in the club," says Maggie. "Nobody. What they do after they leave the club is none of my business."
Many of her customers say they like it that way."Women tell me when it's an on-premises club, they feel pressure to do things with other people when they don't really want to," she says. "When they go to a club like mine, they don't. My ladies prefer it this way."Crawford says you'll find all kinds of people among the members of his Web site. The most common profession? Teachers, followed by police officers, firefighters and lawyers. The most common age? Under 30, though his site, he says, skews younger than some.He figures that about a quarter of his members are Democrats, with about three-quarters being libertarian-leaning Republicans - a description that fits him."I think people in the lifestyle are very open-minded. They don't want people telling them what to do," he said. "Most would say they're Republicans, but they're typically pro-choice, anti-school prayer, anti-religion."
Crawford says that in the majority of married couples he's met, the men are straight and the women are bisexual. "Of the thousands of people I meet, if the women I meet tell me they're straight, I'm like, 'Huh?' "Men are, however, generally more indiscriminate when it comes to partners: "Frankly, I don't think it's really complicated. It's as simple as this: Men are less picky than women. With women, they're way more particular. It's physical for them, but they need to be interested in [a partner] too."Janet came to the pool party without her husband. He volunteered to stay at home to baby-sit their baby, so she could go out for the night. Janet's a stay-at-home mom and massage therapist; she admits that since the birth of her child she's sometimes been a bit jealous of the bodies of the women she's with.She says she doesn't have fun in vanilla bars. Everyone's uptight, frantic, posturing. And they don't understand her there: "I have a hard time if I see a really hot girl."
Sitting with her are Diane and Mike. They've been married 18 years, and run a lawn-care company together. Years ago, there was a married guy at her work with whom she flirted. At a company Christmas party, Mike suggested she do more than flirt. They approached the other couple with the idea. That was the beginning of a one-year "monogamous" relationship between the two couples.They've moved on to other couples since then.Stacy says she goes to church every Sunday. Her husband, William, does too, and he's quick with a grin and a quip. He jokes about the only drawback to group sex: "You've got to get used to being around another guy naked."
William and Mike say they're straight. Janet and Stacy say they're more sexually attracted to women than men.Diane isn't, but she's willing to have sex with women. On one condition: "I have to know you and like you," she says.Besides, it makes Mike happy: "If you took a survey and asked married men, 'Would you like to see your wife with another woman?' they'd say, 'Hell yeah.' "Research on swingers has not been very rigorous, though in an online survey of about 1,000 swingers, the majority contended that the practice made their marriages better. Shae Graham Kosch is a bit skeptical. "We don't have any research to follow people for very long to see if that persists over a long period of time," she says.Kosch is director of the Behavioral Medicine Program at the University of Florida's Department of Community Health and Family Medicine. She works with married couples and with physicians who are going into family medicine.She notes that a follow-up to a study of swingers done a number of decades ago found that many were no longer married. But then that could be said about non-swingers, she says, noting that about half of all first marriages end in divorce.Crawford, from the swinging Web site, says flat-out that the lifestyle is not for people with marital troubles."If you're looking to solve some problems in your marriage, not only will it not solve the problem, it'll end it quickly," he says.
One thing though: There will be no cheating. Sure, her husband travels a lot on business, and she's given him permission to have sex with other women while he's away. Just tell her about it, she says.Don't keep it a secret. That would be cheating.He's lived up to his word: One time, on a trip, he called Janet on the telephone after he'd been with another woman. He sounded a little bummed, Janet remembers. "He even said, 'It wasn't as much fun without you.' "It wasn't as much fun without you. That, say some swingers, is key to understanding what they call "the lifestyle." Swinging is a couple's thing, they say. It won't save a bad or sexless marriage. But it does spice up their marriages, allow them to explore their sexuality, and keep their emotions open, they say - without cheating on their spouses. After all, their spouses are in on the game.It's true, says Stacy, a personal trainer who makes it clear that she likes to swing. Just so long as it's with her husband, William, who works for a supermarket chain.She smiles. "I don't do anything without him. Period."To many, the swinging lifestyle calls to mind the shaggy-haired, free-love 1970s, an era depicted again this summer in the TV show Swingtown, which became a moderate-sized hit.That's far from the reality today, though, says Todd Crawford, who, with his wife, Elena, runs www.lovevoodoo.com, a Web site for swingers, which claims around 100,000 registered members.
Crawford, 38, who lives in the Washington, D.C., area, says the lifestyle used to be underground and word-of-mouth - it was difficult to meet others with similar interests.But the swinging industry has boomed in the age of the Internet, which has allowed on-line communities of swingers to make real-world connections, complete with real-time video and texting. Web sites such as Craigslist are full of personal ads from swinging couples in cities across the country - including Jacksonville. And online sites let them know about swinging conventions attended by thousands, swinging cruises and swinging clubs.Florida, a vacation destination and cruise center, is a hotbed for swingers, says Crawford: "More South Florida than Northern Florida, but Florida's absolutely the biggest market in the United States."He has a saying: "What happens in Florida stays in Florida."On this Saturday night at a club in San Marco, it's a pool party, and yes, there is a little toy pool in one corner of the courtyard. Many men have the requisite tank-top and baggy shorts look going. Only a few women have swimsuits, but they're definitely more exotic than you'd normally see on a beach - elaborate one-piece affairs made up of thin criss-crossing strips of fabric. High heels too.At first glance, it could be any dance club, any "vanilla" club, as swingers call mainstream joints. Sure, on the dance floor there's some grinding going on. And sure, one woman nuzzles another's breasts, then leans down to kiss her bellybutton. In this Girls Gone Wild world, how strange is that?Stick around, though, and you'll notice something unusual: It gets difficult to keep couples straight. There's no guarantee that the person snuggling on someone else's lap is a spouse or significant other, and lap-sitters seem to come and go.
Five clubgoers sit down and agree to talk with a reporter about their swinging, and they're a friendly, open bunch. They're friends who hang out together with their kids, for family-friendly parties and weekends. Indeed, they're so open, some of their more frank comments could never make it into this story.However, they know that what they do is taboo, quite possibly ruinous to jobs and family ties and "vanilla" friends. So they talk only under the condition that their real names not be used.And they all stress one thing: It's the woman who rules in a healthy swingers' relationship. Oh, it may often be the man who raises the issue. "Um, honey, I was thinking . . ."But it's the woman who decides if they swing, and how much, and with whom, they say."If you ask any woman here, it's about the women," Stacy says.Her husband, William, grins. Stacy is slim and blonde, a knockout. "The women are the currency," he says. "They have all the pull. Without the women, we're just another single guy."They've come to the club for a party sponsored by Underground Eden (www.undergroundjax.com), a Jacksonville-based one-woman business that caters to swingers. Maggie Barrington calls herself a "party organizer," one who simply provides a place for couples - "broad-minded adults" is her preferred term - to meet other couples.They meet in San Marco on Saturdays, at a Southside bar on Fridays. They check out attractive people, she says. They strike up friendships. They see if there's chemistry. They flirt.Maggie, who's something of a kindly den mother to her customers, likes to see the flirting. "It's kind of sad to think that when you get married in your 20s, you're never supposed to flirt again," she says.
Other parts of Florida, particularly in South Florida, have clubs dedicated to swingers, with rooms on-premises where sex takes place. That's not the case in Jacksonville, she says. "Nobody's having sex in the club," says Maggie. "Nobody. What they do after they leave the club is none of my business."
Many of her customers say they like it that way."Women tell me when it's an on-premises club, they feel pressure to do things with other people when they don't really want to," she says. "When they go to a club like mine, they don't. My ladies prefer it this way."Crawford says you'll find all kinds of people among the members of his Web site. The most common profession? Teachers, followed by police officers, firefighters and lawyers. The most common age? Under 30, though his site, he says, skews younger than some.He figures that about a quarter of his members are Democrats, with about three-quarters being libertarian-leaning Republicans - a description that fits him."I think people in the lifestyle are very open-minded. They don't want people telling them what to do," he said. "Most would say they're Republicans, but they're typically pro-choice, anti-school prayer, anti-religion."
Crawford says that in the majority of married couples he's met, the men are straight and the women are bisexual. "Of the thousands of people I meet, if the women I meet tell me they're straight, I'm like, 'Huh?' "Men are, however, generally more indiscriminate when it comes to partners: "Frankly, I don't think it's really complicated. It's as simple as this: Men are less picky than women. With women, they're way more particular. It's physical for them, but they need to be interested in [a partner] too."Janet came to the pool party without her husband. He volunteered to stay at home to baby-sit their baby, so she could go out for the night. Janet's a stay-at-home mom and massage therapist; she admits that since the birth of her child she's sometimes been a bit jealous of the bodies of the women she's with.She says she doesn't have fun in vanilla bars. Everyone's uptight, frantic, posturing. And they don't understand her there: "I have a hard time if I see a really hot girl."
Sitting with her are Diane and Mike. They've been married 18 years, and run a lawn-care company together. Years ago, there was a married guy at her work with whom she flirted. At a company Christmas party, Mike suggested she do more than flirt. They approached the other couple with the idea. That was the beginning of a one-year "monogamous" relationship between the two couples.They've moved on to other couples since then.Stacy says she goes to church every Sunday. Her husband, William, does too, and he's quick with a grin and a quip. He jokes about the only drawback to group sex: "You've got to get used to being around another guy naked."
William and Mike say they're straight. Janet and Stacy say they're more sexually attracted to women than men.Diane isn't, but she's willing to have sex with women. On one condition: "I have to know you and like you," she says.Besides, it makes Mike happy: "If you took a survey and asked married men, 'Would you like to see your wife with another woman?' they'd say, 'Hell yeah.' "Research on swingers has not been very rigorous, though in an online survey of about 1,000 swingers, the majority contended that the practice made their marriages better. Shae Graham Kosch is a bit skeptical. "We don't have any research to follow people for very long to see if that persists over a long period of time," she says.Kosch is director of the Behavioral Medicine Program at the University of Florida's Department of Community Health and Family Medicine. She works with married couples and with physicians who are going into family medicine.She notes that a follow-up to a study of swingers done a number of decades ago found that many were no longer married. But then that could be said about non-swingers, she says, noting that about half of all first marriages end in divorce.Crawford, from the swinging Web site, says flat-out that the lifestyle is not for people with marital troubles."If you're looking to solve some problems in your marriage, not only will it not solve the problem, it'll end it quickly," he says.
I’m still reeling from the staggering survey result that 46% of students here believe women who are raped are partially or wholly to blame
I’m still reeling from the staggering survey result that 46% of students here believe women who are raped are partially or wholly to blame for their ordeal.
I’m assuming most of the students who made this very depressing announcement are male. Please correct me if I’m wrong. I narrowly missed becoming the victim of a group attack myself, many years ago. I was walking home with a female friend from a disco, both of us wearing full-length coats, as was the fashion of the time. We were not dressed provocatively or acting provocatively in any way whatsoever. A car full of drunken young men drove past, slowed down, reversed and began to shout the most obscene things at the pair of us. We were both terrified but made no reply. A few minutes later the car stopped and the occupants got out and came staggering towards us. At this point we fled into the garden of a nearby house and pretended we lived there, banging loudly on the door. The car sped off but stopped a little way up the road and waited: watching to see if we would be admitted to the house.
We felt we were being hunted down like animals. With nobody from the house coming to our aid and no handy mobile phone to call the police, we feared we were about to be seriously assaulted. Or worse. In the end we hid behind some shrubs and prayed for a miracle. The men came into the garden but they did not find us. They left, swearing loudly. A few minutes later we took our chances and fled home. After that I never went to another disco without booking a reliable taxi home first, and I always left the venue 30 minutes before the end of the night. Would I have been to blame that night if I’d become a victim of rape? I don’t think so. And neither is any woman or girl. Everyone knows full well that a bit of tipsy flirting is not a guarantee of sex. Nor is a tight-fitting frock or a pair of high heels. If men cannot be blamed for finding such things irresistible then what is their excuse when they rape elderly women, or young children, or peasant women in dowdy rags or humble housewives in shabby tracksuits? I am appalled that anyone thinks it is a woman’s fault if she is raped. Was it the fault of that poor woman from Lithuania who was abducted from a Northern Ireland pub, drugged and raped by an evil gang who fully intended to deliver her into a nightmare life of forced prostitution? Are the illegal brothels here running out of drug-addicts or something? I mean, if we women are just desperate for rough sex with strangers all the time, you’d think there would be no need to drug and rape new prostitutes to get them started in the sex industry. I never, but never, thought I would agree with the extreme right on anything. But I’m beginning to think we should bring back hanging.
I’m sorry but I’m heartily terrified by the endless headlines about violent rape, child sex abuse, domestic violence, casual murder on our streets, the commonplace terrorising of our senior citizens and the modern scourge of drug-dealing. I’m sick of terrorists defending the slaughter of the innocents. I’m sick of women being treated as somehow culpable in their own rape. Would any woman seriously want to be so badly hurt and degraded that she later commits suicide? I am disgusted by the results of this so-called survey.
The Permissive Society was never meant to be a promise of sex-on-demand for any boozed-up male on the prowl. It was never meant to be the end of dignity and respect for girls and women everywhere. It was simply meant to be the end of treating women as chattels, and thus allowing them to choose their own lovers and husbands. Instead of being kept under lock-and-key in their father’s house and then handed over to be married to the first decent suitor that came along. So now, at long last, I have something in common with George Dubya Bush: Yes, I do support the death penalty. And if any man or men were to brutally and deliberately hurt someone close to me, I’d have no trouble in pulling the lever myself. Or whatever it is you have to do to hang a man these days. So there it is, guys. Are you shocked? Maybe you think any woman who is raped deserves everything she gets. But as far as I’m concerned, hanging is too good for the rapists. So there.
I’m assuming most of the students who made this very depressing announcement are male. Please correct me if I’m wrong. I narrowly missed becoming the victim of a group attack myself, many years ago. I was walking home with a female friend from a disco, both of us wearing full-length coats, as was the fashion of the time. We were not dressed provocatively or acting provocatively in any way whatsoever. A car full of drunken young men drove past, slowed down, reversed and began to shout the most obscene things at the pair of us. We were both terrified but made no reply. A few minutes later the car stopped and the occupants got out and came staggering towards us. At this point we fled into the garden of a nearby house and pretended we lived there, banging loudly on the door. The car sped off but stopped a little way up the road and waited: watching to see if we would be admitted to the house.
We felt we were being hunted down like animals. With nobody from the house coming to our aid and no handy mobile phone to call the police, we feared we were about to be seriously assaulted. Or worse. In the end we hid behind some shrubs and prayed for a miracle. The men came into the garden but they did not find us. They left, swearing loudly. A few minutes later we took our chances and fled home. After that I never went to another disco without booking a reliable taxi home first, and I always left the venue 30 minutes before the end of the night. Would I have been to blame that night if I’d become a victim of rape? I don’t think so. And neither is any woman or girl. Everyone knows full well that a bit of tipsy flirting is not a guarantee of sex. Nor is a tight-fitting frock or a pair of high heels. If men cannot be blamed for finding such things irresistible then what is their excuse when they rape elderly women, or young children, or peasant women in dowdy rags or humble housewives in shabby tracksuits? I am appalled that anyone thinks it is a woman’s fault if she is raped. Was it the fault of that poor woman from Lithuania who was abducted from a Northern Ireland pub, drugged and raped by an evil gang who fully intended to deliver her into a nightmare life of forced prostitution? Are the illegal brothels here running out of drug-addicts or something? I mean, if we women are just desperate for rough sex with strangers all the time, you’d think there would be no need to drug and rape new prostitutes to get them started in the sex industry. I never, but never, thought I would agree with the extreme right on anything. But I’m beginning to think we should bring back hanging.
I’m sorry but I’m heartily terrified by the endless headlines about violent rape, child sex abuse, domestic violence, casual murder on our streets, the commonplace terrorising of our senior citizens and the modern scourge of drug-dealing. I’m sick of terrorists defending the slaughter of the innocents. I’m sick of women being treated as somehow culpable in their own rape. Would any woman seriously want to be so badly hurt and degraded that she later commits suicide? I am disgusted by the results of this so-called survey.
The Permissive Society was never meant to be a promise of sex-on-demand for any boozed-up male on the prowl. It was never meant to be the end of dignity and respect for girls and women everywhere. It was simply meant to be the end of treating women as chattels, and thus allowing them to choose their own lovers and husbands. Instead of being kept under lock-and-key in their father’s house and then handed over to be married to the first decent suitor that came along. So now, at long last, I have something in common with George Dubya Bush: Yes, I do support the death penalty. And if any man or men were to brutally and deliberately hurt someone close to me, I’d have no trouble in pulling the lever myself. Or whatever it is you have to do to hang a man these days. So there it is, guys. Are you shocked? Maybe you think any woman who is raped deserves everything she gets. But as far as I’m concerned, hanging is too good for the rapists. So there.
YOUNG women are still reluctant to carry condoms because they believe it could damage their reputation
YOUNG women are still reluctant to carry condoms because they believe it could damage their reputation, the latest research from the Crisis Pregnancy Agency has found.Caroline Spillane, director of the agency, said that, despite the growing confidence of young women, there was still a reluctance to be seen to be ready for sex.She said young women were worried that if they produced condoms then they were perceived to be "easy"."That's a huge problem," she said. "It's probably going back to gender norms, and how women are supposed to behave. If I am seen to be ready for sex in this way, does it have an impact on my reputation?"The research also found that men were more worried about contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) than about an unplanned pregnancy.Ms Spillane said the prospect of an STD seemed more immediate to men while a crisis pregnancy could be seen as "more of a woman's problem. There is a cohort of men who are indifferent to unplanned pregnancy," she said.There has been a major increase in sexually transmitted infections in recent years, with the highest rate found in the 20-29 age group.The Well Woman centres have seen a five-fold increase in the number of people attending for sexually transmitted infection screening since 2002. The number of people testing positive for chlamydia rose by 11 per cent last year.Ms Spillane said the agency also found that alcohol was not the main factor in an unplanned pregnancy. "It is a factor but not the key factor. The key factor is the unplanned and opportunistic nature of sex. If you have the opportunity to have sex, you will take it," she said.She was speaking yesterday as the agency introduced a new "Think Contraception" campaign which encourages consistent use of contraception among young adults.
The campaign with the logo "Nobody else is going to do the thinking for you" is primarily aimed at the 18-24 age group and involves television, radio and online advertising, posters, leaflets and a website (www.thinkcontraception.ie)."We want to ensure that sexually active young adults plan for and consistently use contraception every time they have sex," said Enda Saul, programmes and communications manager. "We want both men and women to feel that contraception is a shared responsibility."Research commissioned by the agency has found that 26 per cent of 18-25 year olds do not consistently use contraception during sex. It also found that 28 per cent of women who had been pregnant had experienced a crisis pregnancy at some stage.Last week's Budget announced the merging of the agency into the HSE. Katharine Bulbulia, agency chairwoman, did not criticise the move. "The important part of this announcement is that the agency will continue its important work to address the issue of crisis pregnancy in Ireland," she said.
The campaign with the logo "Nobody else is going to do the thinking for you" is primarily aimed at the 18-24 age group and involves television, radio and online advertising, posters, leaflets and a website (www.thinkcontraception.ie)."We want to ensure that sexually active young adults plan for and consistently use contraception every time they have sex," said Enda Saul, programmes and communications manager. "We want both men and women to feel that contraception is a shared responsibility."Research commissioned by the agency has found that 26 per cent of 18-25 year olds do not consistently use contraception during sex. It also found that 28 per cent of women who had been pregnant had experienced a crisis pregnancy at some stage.Last week's Budget announced the merging of the agency into the HSE. Katharine Bulbulia, agency chairwoman, did not criticise the move. "The important part of this announcement is that the agency will continue its important work to address the issue of crisis pregnancy in Ireland," she said.
58 per cent of women said they are less interested in sex after a bad night's sleep
new survey says women would prefer sleep while men would prefer sex with that extra hour we get by setting back the clock this weekend. But it reinforces gender stereotypes and "doesn't help couples," says a Vancouver sex therapist.
The survey, conducted by an advocacy group for mattress manufacturers, found that 55 per cent of women would prefer to get more sleep with that extra hour compared to only 31 per cent of men.
It also found that nearly 57 per cent of men would prefer to be having sex in that extra hour compared to only 32 per cent of women. Nevermind that most men probably couldn't last the hour. But could it be that women really would prefer to sleep?
"I think that a survey like this really doesn't help couples," Pega Ren, a Vancouver sex therapist, told CTV.ca. "I think it enforces the stereotype that women do not desire sex and that men are always the aggressors. That women have something that men want and that women don't particularly want to give it to them."
"If you say to me, you have an extra hour in your life on a Saturday night, would you rather have an extra hour of sex or an extra hour of sleep, I may well say, give me the sleep, it's a Saturday night," Ren said. "But if you said to me, we're going to send you off to the hot spring and we're going to take care of the babysitter and we're going to give you an extra $50 on the room, now what's your answer, I may have a very different answer for you."
The online survey was conducted by Leger Marketing for the Better Sleep Council Canada, a group that promotes "the value that a better quality mattress and foundation can bring when regularly replaced within the sleep environment."
No surprise, then, that the survey found that 58 per cent of women said they are less interested in sex after a bad night's sleep, compared to 43 per cent of men. And 62 per cent of respondents said a better bed would improve their quality of sleep and one quarter said a better bed would improve their sex life.
"I've had the same mattress for years and when I want a better sleep I flip the mattress," Ren said. Ren said such surveys shut down avenues of communication between couples, who should really be talking about the factors that may influence their sex-versus-sleep preferences. "It makes it difficult for us to talk about these things because we assume that the answers are pre-determined," Ren said. "They're not."
The survey, conducted by an advocacy group for mattress manufacturers, found that 55 per cent of women would prefer to get more sleep with that extra hour compared to only 31 per cent of men.
It also found that nearly 57 per cent of men would prefer to be having sex in that extra hour compared to only 32 per cent of women. Nevermind that most men probably couldn't last the hour. But could it be that women really would prefer to sleep?
"I think that a survey like this really doesn't help couples," Pega Ren, a Vancouver sex therapist, told CTV.ca. "I think it enforces the stereotype that women do not desire sex and that men are always the aggressors. That women have something that men want and that women don't particularly want to give it to them."
"If you say to me, you have an extra hour in your life on a Saturday night, would you rather have an extra hour of sex or an extra hour of sleep, I may well say, give me the sleep, it's a Saturday night," Ren said. "But if you said to me, we're going to send you off to the hot spring and we're going to take care of the babysitter and we're going to give you an extra $50 on the room, now what's your answer, I may have a very different answer for you."
The online survey was conducted by Leger Marketing for the Better Sleep Council Canada, a group that promotes "the value that a better quality mattress and foundation can bring when regularly replaced within the sleep environment."
No surprise, then, that the survey found that 58 per cent of women said they are less interested in sex after a bad night's sleep, compared to 43 per cent of men. And 62 per cent of respondents said a better bed would improve their quality of sleep and one quarter said a better bed would improve their sex life.
"I've had the same mattress for years and when I want a better sleep I flip the mattress," Ren said. Ren said such surveys shut down avenues of communication between couples, who should really be talking about the factors that may influence their sex-versus-sleep preferences. "It makes it difficult for us to talk about these things because we assume that the answers are pre-determined," Ren said. "They're not."
As a sex, we're not the best communicators when it comes to talking to the women in our lives. I know I'm not - but I'm much better when I have a pen
The ‘Chasing Cars' frontman has admitted he uses his song-writing talents to express his feelings about the opposite sex.He said: "I think I write honestly about what goes on in a guy's mind, and girls are interested in that."As a sex, we're not the best communicators when it comes to talking to the women in our lives. I know I'm not - but I'm much better when I have a pen and paper in my hand."
Earlier this month, the band admitted they "set stuff on fire" while making their new album 'A Hundred Million Suns'.Gary - who claims their new LP is the band's first "happy" record - said:"We tried every available instrument and approach. From various levels of water in wine glasses to setting stuff on fire."It's important to love your instrument, but it's also important to set it on fire."
Earlier this month, the band admitted they "set stuff on fire" while making their new album 'A Hundred Million Suns'.Gary - who claims their new LP is the band's first "happy" record - said:"We tried every available instrument and approach. From various levels of water in wine glasses to setting stuff on fire."It's important to love your instrument, but it's also important to set it on fire."
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