state-run pharmacies began to sell over-the-counter sex toys this summer

Sweden is famous for breaking sexual taboos, so barely an eyebrow was raised when state-run pharmacies began to sell over-the-counter sex toys this summer, alongside the more conventional headache pills and hot water bottles. Now the shops are being hauled before the Equal Opportunies Ombudsman, the government referee on sexual discrimination, after two men complained that the erotic toys – the bestselling are vibrators and vagina balls – discriminate against males.
The pharmacy chain, Apoteket, had a “misguided and untrue view of sexuality whereby a woman with a dildo is seen as liberated, strong and independent, while a man with a blow-up plastic vagina is viewed as disgusting and perverted”, said one of the petitioners. Apoteket has made a spirited defence. Eva Fernvall, its head of retailing, said it was simply a matter of maintaining standards.
“As I understand it, there are no products of good quality on the market for men,” she said. “Should there be such products specifically for men, then there is nothing stopping us from selling them.” The men were exercising their rights under a 2005 amendment to the Equal Opportunities Act, which was supposed to right the balance in a society in which women were seen as winning more and more ground.
It is unlikely that the pharmacy chain will end up in court, but men are resorting increasingly to the law to fight for their rights across a wide spectrum of issues.
Hairdressers and taxis are no longer allowed to offer preferential rates to women. Young Swedish men were upset at the sight of even younger women wafting past club doormen while they were turned away as minors. “Bars tend to use women to attract more male customers and thus lower the age restrictions,” said Magnus Jakobsson, of the ombudsman’s office. Now the entry age has to be the same for men and women. Dating services also have to charge the same for males and females.
Male prison guards last week protested against what they saw as a discriminatory regulation: that at least one male officer had to be present in the exercise yard while convicts had their fresh-air break. The rule meant that women staff had more generous holiday schedules than men, said the complaint.
Lesbians too are feeling the brunt of the new be-fair-to-men laws. A current court case pits a lesbian couple against the Uppsala health authority. After three unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant by insemination, a lesbian then demanded that her female partner should be inseminated. The heath authority refused – on the ground that a heterosexual couple would not have the additional opportunities. Males, after all, cannot become pregnant. The couple are demanding £20,000 compensation. At the upper ranks of government there is almost complete equality between men and women. One exception is the foreign service, where there is still a disproportionately high number of male ambassadors and senior diplomats. This is under review. Swedish companies in particular are vulnerable to complaints from women who feel underpaid. The telecommunications group Ericsson – with 17,000 employees in Sweden, 25 per cent of them women – has had to raise the salaries of 115 women by up to £400 a month. The equality ombudsman found that they had lower salaries than men with the same job requirements and levels of responsibility.

satisfying sex lifeispossible as you age into your 70s and 80s, new research suggests

A satisfying sex lifeispossible as you age into your 70s and 80s, new research suggests. Many older Americans are apparently taking advantage of that fact, because 68 percent of men between 57 and 85 reported having sex last year, as did 42 percent of women, according to the study's lead author, Edward Laumann, the George Herbert Mead Distinguished Service Professor of Sociology at the University of Chicago. And, Laumann added, more older women might have wanted to have sex, but there just aren't as many available older men for them to partner with.
"Healthy people can have reasonably satisfying sexual health for most of their lives," said Laumann. "There are challenges that arise, but it's not aging, per se, that's the issue. A decline in sexuality may be the canary in the mineshaft. Sexual problems may manifest before diabetes and high blood pressure."
The study findings were published in the current issue ofThe Journal of Sexual Medicine. "It's definitely whether you're elderly or "wellderly" that makes a difference," said Dr. Virginia Sadock, director of the program of human sexuality at New York University Langone Medical Center in New York City. "Illness and medications make a difference in sex lives." Other factors that can get in the way of a satisfying sex life later in life include having had a sexually transmitted disease, and having physical problems, mental health issues or relationship difficulties, the study found. The study included information from 1,550 women and 1,455 men between the ages of 57 and 85. All participated in the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project. Some highlights of the study include:
Having had a sexually transmitted disease (STD) in the past nearly quadrupled a woman's odds of having sexual pain, and it tripled the odds a woman would have lubrication problems. In men, a history of STD was associated with five times the risk of finding sex unpleasant. In both older men and women, a common factor in sexual dysfunction and a decreased interest in sex was urinary tract syndrome. Both older men and older women reported that mental health issues affected their interest in sex. For men, relationship troubles also contributed to a lack of interest in sex and the inability to achieve orgasm. Drinking alcohol daily improved a women interest in and pleasure from sex. Alcohol didn't have that effect on men.Hispanic women were twice as likely to report pain during intercourse.Black men were twice as likely to say they weren't interested in sex and were more likely to report climaxing early. "Sexual health is a harbinger of physical and mental health, and it plays an important role in the quality of life," Laumann said. "Older people don't just drop out of the picture. In general, if you're healthy, you can be sexually active." Sadock added: "Don't assume that because you're older, your sex life has to be gone. If you're healthy and connected to someone, and you've had a pretty good sex life when you're younger, then you can have a pretty good sex life in old age."

One in five Aussie women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom,

One in five Aussie women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom, reveals a new survey. Conducted by author Joan Sauers for her new book Sex Lives of Australian Women , the survey questioned nearly 2000 women from around the country. Sex is not just confined to bedroom anymore, for women have found their sex haven in the virtual world as well. The survey also revealed that more than 50 per cent women in Australia had sent or received a sexual text message and one in five have starred in their own sex tape. "As a society, we increasingly rely on technology to get the job done, whatever the job is. Have Australian women joined the cyber-sexual revolution?" News.com.au quoted Joan Sauers, as writing in the book. The results indicated that the most avid participants are women in their 20s (26 per cent) followed by those in their 50s (21 per cent). In fact, a large number of women said that they found net sex "liberating", "exciting", "guilt-free", empowering and safe, ensuring that there was no chance of STDS or pregnancy. However, there were others who described the experience as "empty", "unfulfilling", "demeaning", "tacky" and "pretty lame". But, Joan said that the number of women who had good experiences with chat room sex was twice more than those who had bad experiences. One of the aspects of cyber sex is the use of webcam, for many women use it either with their partner or with strangers. The survey also showed that young women are increasingly getting hooked to text sex using their mobile phones. While 70 per cent of women in their twenties had engaged in sexual SMS exchanges, the figure was 44 per cent for those in their forties and 34 per cent for women in their fifties. In the mean time, 22 per cent of women in their twenties and 20 per cent of women in their thirties had been filmed or taped having sex. While some enjoyed the experience, not many were thrilled on seeing the results. In fact, a lot of them said they didn't like seeing themselves on film because they looked "fat". "It was fine, but to tell you the truth...watching it again was hilarious...not erotic...my arse was NOT ever meant to be on a tape," responded a 33-year-old mother from Western Australia.

Thousands of British women courted by the legions of young foreign men in such tourist hotspots as Turkey, Egypt, Jamaica, the Gambia and Kenya.

This summer, thousands of these middle-aged, single women will pour off the planes, to be met by countless fit, athletic-looking dark-skinned young men who will casually approach them, saying: "What a beautiful lady you are. Can I help you find your hotel?"The handsome young waiter's eyes followed Sarah as she walked across the restaurant, and she felt her heart beating faster as he leaned over to place a napkin in her lap.
"At 54, I was unused to the attention of young men, especially a handsome one in his 20s," she says. "Our eyes connected as I told myself not to be silly - he couldn't possibly be interested in me. But I was wrong."
Sarah Jarvis is 59 and has four grown-up children and four grandchildren.
Attractive, slim and smartly dressed, she has been divorced from her lawyer husband for 15 years, and had resigned herself to a series of uninspiring dates with overweight, balding men of her own age at home in Chester.
But here, on holiday with a girlfriend in the Turkish resort of Dalaman, was the promise of something very different.
For Sarah was about to become one of the many thousands of British women courted by the legions of young foreign men in such tourist hotspots as Turkey, Egypt, Jamaica, the Gambia and Kenya.The chance of a harmless sexual fling, or something more sinister?Writer Jeannette Belliveau, a self-confessed former "sex tourist" and author of a book called Romance On The Road, says the problem is becoming endemic and that these women are deluding themselves about the dangers such flings present.
"The ultimate risk is death," she says, bluntly. "In the past two years three Western women have been killed for their money by their foreign 'toy boys'."
Some of these women tourists never went home after their holiday. Barbara Scott-Jones, 61, from Leeds fell in love with Jamaica and was building a home on the island when she was found dead earlier this year.
Labourer Omar Reid has been charged with her murder.
Police believe Barbara had been having an affair with the 30-year-old and had just ended, or was trying to end, the affair when she was killed.
The number of older women who form long-term relationships with holiday gigolos is growing year on year.Statistically, a third of all cross-cultural "marriages" end in divorce.Fifty-three-year-old Jeannette, from Surrey, divorced in her early 30s.
A few years later, despairing of the lack of dates in the UK, she began to travel the world and had numerous sexual encounters with young, foreign men.
Today, she is married to Lamont Harvey, a historian ten years her junior.
"The trouble is that for divorced or widowed women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, their male peers in the UK are either very unattractive or are looking to date much younger women."In countries such as the Gambia and Kenya, there is both a surplus of men and the fact that women there tend to marry men at least ten years older than themselves, which is the culture. So for 18-year-old and 20-plus men, there is no one to date."Poverty is rife. Then, over the past ten years, planeloads of mature single British women have started arriving, their handbags full of cash. They're fit, good-looking men and it didn't take them long to realise that there are rich pickings here."Sarah now realises how deluded she was during her Turkish fling. She began sleeping with Mohammed, a waiter, almost as soon as they met.
"The sex was amazing," she says. "Either Mohammed was a very good actor - which is more than possible - or he genuinely enjoyed going to bed with me.Pauline Collins played a bored housewife who fell in love with a Greek man on holiday in Shirley Valentine"Imagine what it was like for me, a fifty-something women who felt abandoned, unloved and on the shelf, thinking no man would ever find me attractive again. Here was a beautiful young man with the most incredible, fit body, begging me to go to bed with him."Even though alarm bells were ringing, I thought: 'Why not? What if I never get this opportunity again?'"He asked me to go for a walk with him when we were in the restaurant. My friend said 'You can't be serious', but I said: 'Why not?' And off we went. He kissed me and before I knew what was happening I was inviting him up to my hotel room."
At 54, Sarah had gone through the menopause and, deciding there was no risk of pregnancy, did not use a condom. "I can now see that this was extremely foolish, as I later discovered Mohammed had slept with hundreds of women," she says. "I could have picked up a sexually transmitted disease, not to mention the threat of Aids."
As they lay together, Mohammed told her he was 22. "For the rest of my holiday we spent most of the time in bed. It must have been awful for my friend, but I didn't care. I was on cloud nine.
"He would look into my eyes and cry, saying: 'I want to grow old with you, and I want to take care of you for the rest of my life.'
"When I left him at the airport he was in tears, making me promise to write every day and come back soon.
"As soon as I got home I phoned him. He mentioned that he needed some new shoes, and could I send a small amount of cash? Still besotted and with the memory of so much happiness, I sent him money.

"Gradually, the requests began to multiply. Could I send him the money for a DVD player, as he did not have one? Whenever alarm bells began to ring and I sounded a bit short with him, he made me promise to fly out and see him.

"Within that year, I flew back to Turkey four times, spending a fortune not only on plane tickets, but on gifts for him."

Meanwhile, back in the UK, her children were highly dubious of mum's new 'boyfriend'. "I didn't dare tell them how young he was, and played down the fact that he was a waiter," she says.

"I said he was in his 30s and ran his own business. They were saying: 'Look, Mum, this guy is clearly a conman.' I told them not to interfere, that I knew what I was doing."

As they lay together in Sarah's hotel bedroom Mohammed poured out all his financial woes: he was responsible for his elderly parents and was the only bread-winner in the family. "He made me feel guilty if I questioned his constant need for money," she says.

For the next three years, Sarah flew to Turkey five times a year. Not only did she give Mohammed thousands of pounds, she also flew him on holiday to Istanbul and the coastal resort of Marmaris.

"Sometimes we'd be walking down the street, hand in hand, and other British tourists would look at us askance," says Sarah. "But I was very defiant - they didn't realise that this was a real relationship, that we were in love."

Sex tourism by British women is not a new phenomenon. As far back as the 1890s, there are recorded incidents of single British women becoming involved with dark-skinned Italian and French men on their cultural 'tours' of Europe.

During the British Raj, it was not unknown for English matrons to fall prey to the darkeyed charms of young Indian men.

But in the past two decades, the phenomenon has escalated. Author Jeannette says that since the 1990s, hundreds of thousands of western women have had affairs with much younger foreign men.
"These are respectable middleclass women. Not all of them are unwitting victims to these sexual conmen," she says. "I have spoken to many women who fly to the Gambia or Jamaica specifically for the purpose of recreational sex."
Indeed, some British women are utterly shameless about it.
Nicky Jardine, 50, who has two adult daughters and runs her own headhunting business in Guildford, Surrey, goes on holidays with the intention of having sex with young foreigners.
"I see nothing wrong in being a sex tourist," she says. "My working life is very stressful. Holidays are a time when I can have fun. I have dated men here, but men my age want younger women, and they are also boring. Compare them to a fit, tanned 20-year-old Egyptian!"
Nicky first had sex on a holiday four years ago. She says: "I went on my own to Egypt. I didn't go looking for sex, but on the first day I became aware I was being eyed up by a very handsome young Egyptian who worked in the hotel complex.
"I told myself not to be silly, but then he approached me and told me I was beautiful." Nicky invited him to her room.
"It was amazing," she says. "Maybe he'd targeted lots of British women before - who cares? I wasn't looking for a long-term romance.
"Of course, you have to realise that these people might be living in poverty. You could be robbed, or even kidnapped. But I felt quite safe when I was with him."
Now she is settled into a pattern of wild holiday flings totally at odds with her respectable image. Indeed, many would argue that her insouciance about such promiscuity is rather demeaning.
Last year, Nicky enjoyed a Caribbean cruise. "A young crew member made advances," she smiles. "We had the most amazing times in my cabin. I'd taken my mum with me, and she knew what was going on. In fact, she said: 'I wish I was 50 again!'"
"I totally understand why more and more British single women like me are going on holiday looking for sex. It's the easiest thing in the world to pick up a young, handsome guy who will tell you are beautiful and make passionate love to you. All it takes is a bit of cash for presents, and I have plenty of that."I always practise safe sex, so no one gets hurt. But I would tell women to be careful. Always use a condom and don't go off with these men. They are strangers, after all."
Five years on and Sarah Jarvis no longer looks back on her holiday romance with rose-tinted glasses. "I must have spent more than £20,000 on Mohammed," she says. "On my final trip last year, I rang his mobile as usual when I arrived at the airport. There was no reply.
"I drove to the hotel where he worked as a waiter, and stormed into his tiny room. He was in bed with an elderly, white woman - like me. He rang me, sobbing, saying it was all a mistake and he loved me."Later I marched up to the woman in the hotel dining room and asked her, very calmly, what she thought she was doing. She looked at me in surprise. 'But he's my boyfriend,' she said. 'We are in love, and I have been flying backwards and forwards from the UK to see him.
"I told her I had, too. She said she had promised Mohammed she would leave her husband and marry him. I said she was a fool."
Sarah then told Mohammed that his lies had been exposed and ended the relationship. "Speaking to some of the hotel staff, I found out Mohammed had at least 40 white girlfriends," she says. "It must have been a real juggling act making sure we didn't all arrive at the same time. Goodness knows how much money he was making out of us all.
"I know people will think: 'How could you be so stupid?' But you have to realise just how seductive it is, if you feel fat, old and ugly, to have a beautiful young man saying he cannot live without you and making love to you as if you were a stunning creature."
But Sarah adds: "More than anything, I want to send out a warning to all the British women planning a holiday romance this summer: don't do it!
"It will cost you thousands of pounds, and you will end up feeling ridiculous and despised. These are practised conmen - they don't think you are beautiful; they laugh at you behind your backs."
Jeannette agrees. "Wise up," she says. "At the very least you will be fleeced out of hundreds, maybe thousands of pounds. In Kenya and Africa generally, Aids is endemic and you are putting yourself at serious risk.
"Some of these guys are so poor they have nothing to lose, and they may turn violent. If you go off alone with them and change your mind, they may well rape you anyway.
"I know I have been guilty of sex tourism in the past, but there is no way I would take those risks now, knowing what I know."

SEX and socialising are becoming a yawn for Australian women, with new research showing they are in the grip of a fatigue phenomenon.

SEX and socialising are becoming a yawn for Australian women, with new research showing they are in the grip of a fatigue phenomenon.More than 80 per cent of women say they are worn out, and exhaustion is taking a toll not only on their love and social lives, but also making them grumpy, clumsy and absent-minded. The Newspoll survey found 57 per cent of women were too tired for sex and 64 per cent were so drained they didn't feel attractive. Tiredness made 79 per cent irritable, 75 per cent impatient and 65 per cent angry. Most worn-out women also admitted losing things such as keys, bumping into things and tripping over. The survey found fatigue did not discriminate between stay-at-home mums and full-time workers. Burwood East midwife Karen Taylor, 35, juggles motherhood and part-time shift work. "I think I have been tired since 1995," she said. "Even when you get a day off work you pack everything else in, like helping out at school with reading or kinder duty."
A typical day for Ms Taylor begins at 6am, or earlier when she's working morning shift, and ends when she falls into bed by 9.30pm. In between, she's often packed off Nathan, 6, to school, Jack, 4, to kinder or her parents' house, done grocery shopping and housework, made dinner and got the boys cleaned and into bed. She said husband Alan was an enormous help, particularly when she worked at Monash Medical Centre managing seven midwives in the busy maternity ward. Most of the 1036 women surveyed put their tiredness down to hectic lifestyles, but doctors said medical factors might also be at play. "There are so many different reasons: anxiety, stress, paying off the mortgage, looking after kids, trying to hold down two jobs at the same time," hematologist Dr James Biggs said.
"As well as that, there are a number of medical conditions like viral infections, hormonal disturbances particularly of the thyroid gland, and iron deficiency."
Dr Biggs said up to 20 per cent of women aged 18 to 50 were thought to be iron deficient.

Pc Andrew Burt was allowed to retire on a full pension after being convicted of indecently assaulting three women.

Pc Andrew Burt was allowed to retire on a full pension after being convicted of indecently assaulting three women. One of his victims, grandmother Alison McFarlane, 60, said Burt had been rewarded for his crimes. Labour community safety spokesman Paul Martin MSP called for Burt's pension to be cut by the maximum 65%.
Married Burt, 50, would have lost his entire pension if he had been sacked by Lothian and Borders Police after being found guilty last October of assaulting the women at Cockenzie and Port Seton bowling club in East Lothian.
I am angry that he has been allowed to be rewarded with a full pension after his misdemeanour Alison McFarlane He had denied the charges against him, claiming he had been too drunk to remember what happened. The constable was suspended from his duties after being sentenced to 150 hours community service and three' years probation. He was also placed on the Sex Offenders' Register. But he retired last month while an internal police investigation into his conduct was still ongoing.
He has claimed his full pension for 30-years service with the police, which is understood to amount to about £16,000 every year. Mrs McFarlane said she and the other two female victims, a 21-year-old who was slapped on the bottom by Burt, and her 44-year-old mother who he grabbed between the legs, had been "let down" by the force. Disgraced officersShe added: "I am angry that he has been allowed to be rewarded with a full pension after his misdemeanour. For him to try and fondle my breast is very degrading. "How come, when he was found guilty in court, and the police lawyer was there, did it take them five months for this to come round"He was allowed to retire but he should have been sacked after the verdict. I do think something should have been done and I don't think he should be allowed to keep that money. "They say crime doesn't pay but it certainly has for Andrew Burt."
Mr Martin said he had written to Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill to ask for measures to be put in place to prevent disgraced officers retiring before they are sacked. The sanction against pensions should be investigated as a disciplinary measure in this instance
"We have the right to expect the best possible standards from police officers both when they are on and off duty," Mr Martin said. "Most of the time we get that from them, but the sanction against pensions should be investigated as a disciplinary measure in this instance." A Dumfries and Galloway police inspector had his pension cut by 65%, the maximum amount allowed, by the local police board after retiring following his conviction for raping two women while on duty. A spokesman for Lothian and Borders Police confirmed that Burt was no longer serving with the force.
The spokesman said disciplinary procedures could only be taken against officers after the conclusion of any court proceedings.
The Scottish Police Federation said no-one could defend what Burt had done but added that any officer who had completed 30-years of service was entitled to their police pension. The Scottish Government said it did not comment on individual cases but a spokesman said a review was ongoing into all police conduct regulations.

Billy Crystal once said that "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal once said that "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Although this may be a slight exaggeration, one cannot deny that attitudes towards sex differ hugely between the two sexes. How many people have you slept with? It's a risky question, isn't it? Especially for us ladies. It seems that while men boast about their conquests, we cower into a corner.GQ magazine recently warned its male readers that women sleep with ex-partners to avoid their number of sexual conquests going up. Is this true? Can you relate to this?Flair went on the road to find out.Charlie, a secretary in her late 20s, smiles at the suggestion. "I think girls would go back to an ex more for the safety angle than fear of topping up the conquest count. You know what you're going home to, you know they're not going to attack you and you know that they've seen you naked before so you don't have to ask them to turn the lights out before you take your clothes off!" A sense of the familiar seems to be a common theme among the girls interviewed. "It's so much easier going back to someone who you're already comfortable with. But you need to make sure that they know it's not a start to getting back together if that is not what you want," says Frances, a bank clerk in her mid-20s.
Grace, a school teacher, agrees; "I wouldn't say it was so my numbers don't go up, rather just because it's familiar, I guess ... although if you are having sex with your ex, it's probably a sign that you still like them with a little piece of your heart ..."This is an important point. Whether you are sleeping with your ex to avoid adding more notches to the bedpost or for a sense of what you know, it can be a risky business and emotions can run high. He may have a new girlfriend, in which case, he is cheating on her and you or you could start to have feelings for him again. Remember, there was a reason you split up. Jenny, an office assistant, asks an interesting question: "Should we always depend on what we know? A lot of times, having sex with an ex can complicate things or put you into a false sense of security. Is it really going to move you forward or just push you back?"
For Lia, GQ magazine got it right. "Of course girls do. It's ridiculous but it's still a social stigma for women to have slept with lots of guys. I have, and know many other girls that have slept with their ex's for precisely that reason."
Marciaagrees, "I have done it before so as not to add to my total number. I think that there are other reasons that have more strength in the decision of sleeping with an ex but it certainly is another aspect of the appeal, for me, anyway."

dwindling sex-drive puts pressure on a relationship

A dwindling sex-drive puts pressure on a relationship So much for man being an anytime, any place, anywhere creature - more and more relationships are now under strain because he's the one feigning a headache, while the wife is starved of sex. How did it come to this, asks Anna Moore Cath Bentley still remembers the first sign that her husband had lost his sex drive. She remembers where they were, when it was and how she felt - though at the time Cath had no idea it was anything more than temporary, no inkling it would lead to their separation.
'We were in Spain, staying with my parents, and I was three months pregnant,' says Cath, 35, a full-time mother of three. 'It was hot, we were relaxed, but when I initiated sex I could tell Jim wasn't interested. It was like he wasn't enjoying it, like he was making an effort. At first I thought it was because my parents were there - but it hadn't bothered him before.'When Cath asked what was wrong Jim said he was uncomfortable making love while Cath was pregnant. 'I felt a jolt, a bit rejected, but I reasoned he was being extra-paternal, extra-protective.'
Sex stopped completely for the rest of the pregnancy. 'I didn't mind because I got quite ill and tired,' says Cath, 'but it was a change. We'd been married 12 years, and in all that time our sex life had been very active, one of the most important parts of our relationship. 'We'd lived quite a hedonistic lifestyle and, though the pregnancy was planned, we pretty much went from sex, drugs and rock'n'roll to a life that revolved around twin babies and nothing else.' When Cath and the boys came home from hospital Jim moved into the guest room, as new fathers often do, to get enough sleep for work.'After about two months I went into his room one night and he basically said no,' recalls Cath. From that point on Jim worked hard in a stressful sales job and was a dutiful dad, taking the boys out every Sunday to give Cath a break and getting home each evening at 7pm to take over. 'But he never came near me, or made any signs that he wanted sex,' says Cath. 'And when I tried to talk about it he wouldn't.'Loss of libido isn't a problem we associate with men. According to stereotype, if men have a sexual problem, it's that they can't get enough, while women are the ones who invent headaches and feign sleep. In fact, this isn't true. A sex-therapy study by Relate found that, for half of the couples who attended counselling, the problem involved the man - most commonly lack of desire or erectile dysfunction.Nina Bryant, a Relate psychosexual therapist with 18 years' experience, has found it increasingly common. 'When I started in this field it was rare for a man to report a lack of interest in sex,' she says. 'Now, it makes about a third of my case-load.'There could be many reasons for this. Perhaps we are better at talking about it - the caring, sharing New Man feels more comfortable coming forward. But there is also a feeling among professionals that we are expecting more of ourselves, and men, like women, are feeling the pressure.
'We want a lot from men these days,' says the sex and relationship psychologist Petra Boynton. 'They're meant to be not only breadwinners, but also doting, hands-on dads who deliver mind-blowing orgasms. 'Men are expected to want sex from puberty to death but, in reality, a man's sex drive can fluctuate for all the reasons a woman's can. It could be that he's stressed, unhappy, tired or under pressure at work.'
Gina Ogden, a clinical sex therapist with 25 years' experience and the author of Women Who Love Sex, agrees. 'We call it men's "sex drive" as if they're cars with a certain number of pistons thrusting them forward at all times. Actually, it's about desire, expectation and emotion, and naturally that can ebb, flow and sometimes plummet.'

people can tell in an instant whether someone fancies a quick fling or a life of commitment.

PASSION: The face on the right is pure lust

people can tell in an instant whether someone fancies a quick fling or a life of commitment.But as these computer-enhanced pictures show, the differences are so subtle that sometimes we might not even be aware of them.
According to the experts, if you strike up a conversation with the man or woman on the right you could end up in bed for a no-strings-attached one-night stand and never see each other again.But fall into conversation with one of the other pair and you are more likely to spend the rest of your lives together.A study of 700 heterosexuals found that men were generally attracted to women who they think are open to easy sex. But women revealed they were usually interested in men as long-term partners.Volunteers working with scientists from Durham, St Andrews and Aberdeen universities were asked to assess photographs to decide what they thought was the model’s attitude towards sex. The results were then compared with the models’ actual attitudes.Just from the photographs, up to 72 per cent made fairly accurate guesses about who would be more interested in quick sex.
The study found that women open to one-night stands were usually seen as more attractive, while men most ready for casual sex were perceived by women as being more masculine-looking, with facial features including a squarer jaw, larger nose and smaller eyes.

All the subtlety of a well-prepared chat-up line can be ruined by a man’s face, which speaks louder than any words to reveal his sexual intentions.

All the subtlety of a well-prepared chat-up line can be ruined by a man’s face, which speaks louder than any words to reveal his sexual intentions. A woman can tell at a glance if the man approaching to woo her is merely after her body or wants a more meaningful relationship, a study indicates. One look at the hopeful man’s face can be enough to provide her with all the clues she needs to decide if marriage or a one-night stand is the most likely end result. Clues to the man’s intentions include the shape of his jaw, the size of his nose and the shape of his eyes, researchers have found. Present her with a square jaw, small eyes and a large nose, the trademarks of masculinity, and she will know instinctively that she is dealing with a man more interested in short-term gratification than commitment. She is more likely to respond favourably to softer, slightly more feminine features than the epitome of masculinity, which she associates with a lack of commitment. Equally, a man can tell, though with less success, whether a woman is likely to have a relaxed attitude to sex or holds more traditional views. But he has no hope of telling from the first inspection of the woman’s facial features whether it is he who is likely to get lucky or if she will smile upon another man’s advances.
The findings, which are reported in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior , were based on the responses of 700 men and women who were shown pictures of people in their early twenties and composite pictures. The composite pictures were deliberately created to be a representation of the average faces of men and women who displayed willingness to indulge in casual sex and those who preferred to be in a more lasting relationship. Researchers found that instant perceptions not only had a role in people’s selection of partners, but that their interpretation of faces was more often right than wrong when determining the attitude towards one-night stands.
Lynda Boothroyd, of Durham University and the lead author of the study, said the findings suggested that it was possible to judge someone’s sexual strategy simply from looking at their face. “Preferences for different types of face were actually quite strong,” she said. “This shows that these initial impressions may be part of how we assess potential mates — or potential rivals — when we first meet them.”
The ability of women to pick out the masculine types who only wanted to stay the night is thought to help them decide which of their suitors should be permitted to father their children.
“Observers are broadly able to identify individuals who are more likely to be interested in short or long-term relationships,” the researchers concluded. “This information may be used by women to avoid men who are less likely to engage in a long-term relationship.” Ben Jones, of the University of Aberdeen, said it had been found previously that much can be judged from someone’s face, such as health and elements of character, but the new study was the first to show that romantic nature can be read in the face. “This really is the first study to show that people are also sensitive to subtle facial signals about the type of romantic relationships that others might enjoy,” he said.
Men with masculine faces fared worst because women identified them as the most likely to be unfaithful and to make bad parents. The women whose faces were seen as the most attractive were those most likely to be willing to have casual sex. The women were also recognised by the female volunteers as the most beautiful.
Researchers remained puzzled as to why the women most likely to settle for a one-night stand were judged to be the most attractive. It was suggested that the lack of effort required on the part of men compensated for “any costs from long-term relationship breakdown”.

Honey’s Topless Club

Three women were arrested Sunday during an undercover prostitution investigation at Honey’s Topless Club in south Everett, the Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office announced this morning.Sheriff’s detectives were looking for any employees who were selling sex for money.Undercover detectives reportedly identified three women who were engaged in prostitution, sheriff’s spokeswoman Rebecca Hover said. Investigators also determined that the manager was allowing violations of the county’s adult entertainment dance ordinance at the bar, she said.
Two women, both 19, were arrested for investigation of prostitution.
The manager, 52, of Marysville, was arrested for investigation of violating the county ordinance. All three women were booked into the Snohomish County Jail.

THAI women's foundation has issued a warning that drinking instant coffee or orange juice might lead to instant sexual arousal.

THAI women's foundation has issued a warning that drinking instant coffee or orange juice might lead to instant sexual arousal. Have your say!Add your comments or read what others are saying
The Pavena Hongsakula Foundation for Women and Children issued the warning after hearing several accounts of young women losing their virtue after accepting potentially spiked instant beverages from men, the Bangkok Post reported today.
One young woman, nicknamed Bee, told the foundation that a man she first met over the internet and then in person at his house offered her a cup of instant coffee he said was a new formula health drink.
"Bee drank the coffee and shortly afterward felt a surge of arousal and an instant desire for sex,'' said Pavena Hongsakula, who leads the foundation.
Bee slept with the man but her sudden loss of control raised her suspicions about what was in the instant coffee. She approached the foundation about issuing a warning to other women.Pavena said her foundation had heard similar complaints about instant aphrodisiacs, including one from a bar hostess who was offered a cup of coffee from a patron and then felt a "sudden, unstoppable sexual excitement'' that led her to have sex with the customer. Besides issuing a warning to the public, the foundation has launched a search for the beverages to discover what ingredients they contained.

It was the best three minutes of my life

It was the best three minutes of my life" is not a sentence that one would normally associate with a conversation about sex.
However, the mainstream media is attempting to tell audiences that this might be all the time needed to satisfy a partner, after survey results on good sexual intercourse were released.The survey – done by researchers at Penn State, Erie – was of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which includes psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses.The survey found that sex between one and two minutes was "too short," "adequate" sex lasted from three to seven minutes, "desirable" sex lasted from seven to 13 minutes and sex that lasted 13 to 30 minutes was "too long."
Unfortunately, the Associated Press story, which has been reprinted across the globe, lumps these findings into the general statement that "the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was three to 13 minutes."There's a huge difference between adequate sex and mind-blowing, toe-curling optimal sex.
A quick Internet search for the survey reveals misleading headlines like: "Best sex lasts just minutes, survey says" and "Best sex is short and sweet."Not true.
The survey's questions were not gender-specific. The survey asked about sexual intercourse from time of penis-to-vagina penetration to male ejaculation. There's no mention of female orgasms anywhere.For women taking the survey, did "desirable" mean sex that's desirable given the fact that upward of 50 to 60 percent of women cannot achieve orgasm from penetration alone? Or did it really mean the type of sex that women secretly desire but feel they cannot realistically obtain?
The survey doesn't say.While the lead researcher Eric Corty, an associate professor of psychology, has admirable goals – to "dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions" – the mainstream coverage on the survey may have negative implications for women who like to enjoy sexual intercourse to its fullest extent.
Newspapers across the world are pouncing on the idea that there is nothing wrong with the "wham, bam, thank you m'am" philosophy traditionally attributed to males.
It's a terrible sentiment.
Opinions on the average length of time it takes a woman to achieve orgasm are as varied as the positions within the "Kama Sutra." Some studies and articles claim four minutes, others upward of 27.
One thing is consistent. Women require a longer amount of time to reach orgasm, usually at least double the time it takes for a man.

DO NOT fall in love with the first go-go dancer who comes over to you

DO NOT fall in love with the first go-go dancer who comes over to you. Despite the warning, which appears in websites on Thai nightlife, that is what a guy – usually a white heterosexual male – visiting Thailand for the first time will do when he goes to a go-go bar.“The guy does fall in love with her. He gets laid!” Bangkok expat Dean Barret (pic) wrote in www. deanbarrettthailand.com. “He then has an affair with her lasting for a few weeks or maybe even longer.“It might end happily, but as he hasn’t bothered to learn any of the language, culture or history of Thailand it mostly likely ends in disaster.”
The farang (Thai for Westerner) can’t help falling in love because he has “not seen anything like it”.“He walks into a go-go bar full of gorgeous women – with perfect body, long black hair, light brown skin and almond eyes – and they welcome him with that beautiful Thai smile and make him feel like a king,” he explains.The relationship, however, ends in a disastrous marriage, notes Barrett, a 65-year-old American writer who authored books such as The Go-Go Dancer Who Stole My Viagra And Other Poetic Tragedies of Thailand and Skytrain to Murder.

The farang (usually in his 50s, 60s and 70s) discovers his wife (usually half his age) actually has a Thai husband.

Or he spends half a million US dollars on a huge tract of land (which must be under her name – in Thailand, farangs are only allowed to buy condominiums) to build a marital home and she later kicks him out.

The classic horror story told over and over in go-go bars as a tale of caution is the one where the go-go dancer has a Thai boyfriend and they have a sinister plan to kill the farang husband for his money.
“This happens quite often in Pattaya. You read in the Pattaya Mail about a guy who falls off the balcony and the police call it a suicide. But the article mentions that the man has his hands tied behind his back and a black stocking over his head,” Barrett relates.
The marriage ends in disaster because these guys do not speak Thai, make any effort to learn Thai history and culture and the psychology of Isaan women (most go-go dancers are from Thailand’s north-east).
“For these women, the mother is number one and not the husband as she owes her mother her life. And she will do anything to provide for her mother,” he explains.
But if the farang speaks enough Thai and understands the psyche of a Thai girl, he is more likely to meet the right girl and have a good life with her.
Asked whether the farang who marries a go-go dancer faces the stigma of marrying a prostitute, Barrett said: “No, because they are nothing like a prostitute.
“In New York City, where I lived for 14 years, prostitutes are these pathetic creatures who huddle in the cold at Holland Tunnel trying to catch the New Jersey guy going home after work to his wife who he is bored with.
“Those are hookers and they are not particularly friendly. It is not like that in Thailand. They are much like a girlfriend even if you pay her money.
“And she'll wai (a respectful Thai greeting) you in the morning.”
The feminazi (who Barrett describes as a fat, white woman who constantly complains she's invisible in Thailand because no farang man pays attention to her) thinks otherwise, accusing Western men of exploiting the go-go dancers.
“But the girls have told me: ‘What do they (feminazi) think when I work in a factory outside Bangkok hunched 12 hours a day over a machine putting little electronic parts together for a fraction of what I earn in a nightlife establishment'?” he says.
Feminazi lashes back in Thai-based Internet forums, saying a 60-something farang only has access to her beauty and youth because she wants access to his ATM.
“Just say the feminazi is completely right,” Barrett argues. “But if they (the old man and the go-go dancer) are happy with their relationship then that is their business.”

Pop Life is a massive six-floor department store located in the heart of Tokyo's Akihabara "Electric Town" that sells every imaginable sexual souvenir

Pop Life is a massive six-floor department store located in the heart of Tokyo's Akihabara "Electric Town" that sells every imaginable sexual souvenir. Seriously, there is an entire shelf solely devoted to Hello Kitty vibrators. Along with sex shop standards such as porn DVDs, lube, dildos, and bondage gear, Pop Life stocks a huge selection of sex dolls. The Japanese have made some incredible advances in the fields of simulated sex and realistic, rubberized skin. On the upper floors, they sell costumes for love dolls and living, breathing cosplay and Loligoth enthusiasts. The stairs are lined with autographed Polaroids showing happy female customers enjoying their schoolgirl uniforms, Little Bo Peep dresses, and cheerleader outfits. By far the most amazing items at Pop Life are their wide variety of masturbation robots. Check out a short video of these incredible Japanese pleasure bots in action after the jump (be forewarned this clip contains plastic nudity, so it's sort of NSFW). The staff was pretty intent on preventing me from photographing their wares, but I did manage to sneak some footage of the sex robots working their magic. I could only figure out how to turn one of them on, but if you look carefully, you can see all the dirty devices in operation on the TV screen in the center of the display:

erotic stories by some of South Africa’s best women writers sprung from my desire to present women’s intimate relationships with sexuality,

A new anthology of erotic stories is in the book shops this week, but what sets it apart from similar anthologies is that it was written by award-winning -- mostly literary -- South African women writers. Sex is a somewhat taboo literary topic. Not for reasons of modesty, mostly, but because writing about sex is a singularly difficult task. Slips into cliché, pulp and porn are very easy. So what happens when respected -- and respectable--South African women writers dip their pens into saucy ink? The sexual revolution supposedly lightened us up about sex, but it remains -- publicly at least -- a mostly grim matter. Magazines -- usually quoting from serious studies -- focus on the bits we’re 'doing wrong', while pornography perpetuates the idea that sex is a dour, serious, drawn-out, athletic business undertaken by balloon-breasted Barbie dolls and unsympathetic men with large penises, hammering away at some distant, screeching, insincere conclusion.
But while a sort of general standard of “the right kind of sex” informs our public perception, sex in its capacity for joy, fun and intimate vulnerability remains a sort of universal no-go area. Between the ancient sexual extremes of Virgin and Slut is the vast unmade bed of real, ever-changing sex. The idea for a collection of erotic stories by some of South Africa’s best women writers sprung from my desire to present women’s intimate relationships with sexuality, as they really are, not as they are supposed to be, by some outside -- often patriarchally driven -- model.
Susan Maushart, in What Women Want Next, wrote that in the early days of feminism sex was not just a thing women did for babies or fun or to make a point.
“Sleeping around for the sisterhood was nice work if you could get it,” she says, “but it was hardly standard practice for any but the most politicised female. For most women, even I daresay for most feminists, sex remained a defiantly personal act.”In the humdrum of everyday sex resists a single meaning for individual women. At different times of their lives it can be bawdy, subtle, comic, delicious, repulsive, missionary, lesbian, boring, powerful, dutiful, weak or solitary.
Johannesburg sexologist Dr Elna McIntosh says in Fabulously 40 and Beyond that women often only truly grasp their sexuality in their forties and later: “It’s at this point in a woman’s life when she discovers her tongue and uses it to ask for what she wants from life. No longer will [women] allow other people or dogmas to ride roughshod over what they hold as their own identities.”Whether the stories can be labelled erotica or pornography lies in the realm of individual perception. The boundaries between one person’s gentle­ titillation and another’s smut are so vague as to be almost non-existent.Should erotica -- the vague notion of the kind of sex you find in literature and art -- arouse? And if it does, why does the word have a happier connotation than pornography, the very raison d’ être of which is to arouse.
Perhaps it is about intention, about the producer of erotica or pornography’s tacit aim in the creative process, the chasm between hoping to turn readers or viewers on and not caring a dot about the their physical reaction to the sex presented.
Generally porn is seen as lewd, gross, indecent and exploitative, while erotica is seen as voluptuous, amorous and sensual. It is seen to arouse gently without the built-in guarantee of pornography’s usually tedious progression towards a predictable conclusion.Towards the end of this project I realised that “erotica” and “pornography” were labels too limiting for what the writers had rendered and I prefer now to think of them simply as stories about women and sex. In Open the received notions of the kind of sex women have or think about have been prised at.
The writers have created characters and narrators that are -- in sometimes even the most oblique way -- some aspect of any receptive reader’s personality at some point in her life. This anthology opens not only the debate about the representation of sex in literature, but also a vista on the subtleties of arousal, the frank spectacle of the different forms of sex in women’s lives and the presentation of intimacy as both deeply mundane and vividly transformative.

Testosterone therapy has restored a sex drive that virtually vanished

Bette, 72, who asked that her last name be withheld, testosterone therapy has restored a sex drive that virtually vanished after she underwent a hormonal treatment for breast cancer. She was terribly distressed, she says, when the "terrific sex life" she and her husband had enjoyed for 52 years crashed. So she traveled from her Kansas City home to see whether Irwin Goldstein, director of sexual medicine at San Diego's Alvarado Hospital, could help. He could, it turned out. He treated her with a low dose of a testosterone gel that has been approved for men with certain medical conditions. The medicine isn't FDA approved for use in women, but doctors like Goldstein can legally prescribe it "off label" if they think it might help
While Bette may be happy with her treatment, experts advise that breast cancer survivors must be especially cautious about taking hormone-based treatments for low libido. The body converts some testosterone into estrogen, which could raise a woman's risk of recurrence, says Eric Winer, director of the Breast Oncology Center at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. Aromatase inhibitors, which Bette and many other breast cancer survivors take, can prevent this conversion from happening, Goldstein says.Some doctors don't recommend off-label treatments at all. "Whenever you're using a drug [to treat] an indication for which it has not been tested, you're playing russian roulette," says Steven Nissen, who oversees cardiovascular medicine at the Cleveland Clinic. "It's risky business."
His message won't sway everyone, though. Says Bette: "I'd rather have something worth living for right now, rather than living in the old folks' home. I'm not going to miss any fun."

Women Lacking Libido Aren't Sick

After 10 years of buzz about a Viagra-like drug for women, nothing has been approved to date. Two companies are racing to change that. Both have active, advanced research programs working on prospective female libido drugs, one of which is available now to women who qualify to join a clinical trial.
Illinois-based BioSante Pharmaceuticals has launched several late-stage studies of a testosterone gel intended to remedy libido loss after menopause. About 100 U.S. medical institutions are now on board to test the drug's safety and effectiveness among thousands of women; volunteers, some of whom will unknowingly receive a placebo, are still being recruited. Earlier trials found the gel useful in women bothered by low desire following medically needed surgery to remove their ovaries. (Those sex organs produce roughly half a woman's natural testosterone. Though often thought of as a "male hormone," testosterone is tied to libido in both sexes.) A dollop a day of the gel on their arm boosted the frequency of satisfying sexual events compared with a placebo.
An approved medication for low female libido may be in higher demand than Viagra ever was for men, says Stephen Simes, president and CEO of the company. His rationale: 1.4 million off-label testosterone prescriptions were written for women in 2006 alone. He forecasts the drug will be available by 2011, as long as no snags arise. (Women interested in enrolling in the trial can E-mail the company's investigators to see if they're eligible.)A nonhormonal treatment is also on the horizon, with late-stage testing well underway. Boehringer Ingelheim's once-daily pill acts on serotonin receptors in the brain, which, after all, is the organ most heavily involved with sexual desire. Studies involve pre-menopausal women bothered by a low sex drive.Too soon to tell. Still, excitement might be premature at this point, experts say. In 2004, a testosterone patch poised to be the first-ever treatment was denied approval by an FDA advisory committee. Long-term safety was a major worry. Procter & Gamble had demonstrated the patch's effectiveness with minimal side effects, but that couldn't shake concern that it might carry health risks down the line. After all, painkiller Vioxx had just been yanked off the market and the unforeseen ills of female hormone replacement therapy had recently surfaced.
"Before we approve a therapy that could be used by millions of women, I'd like to know that we're not going to hurt them, particularly when the benefit is modest," says Steven Nissen, chairman of the department of cardiovascular medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, who was involved in deciding the patch's fate. "This is not a lack of sympathy for those who are unable to have a satisfying sexual relationship, but about balancing risks and benefits." The patch is approved in Europe.
One reason for the delay is that the FDA has set its approval standards high: A drug for women must not only elicit desire but also yield an increased number of sexually satisfying events. That's a requirement that Viagra never had to meet, says Anita Clayton, professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia, and coauthor of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy.
"I think the holdup is really our lack of understanding of female sexuality and applying this greater complexity to how we're studying potential treatments," says Clayton. "For women, a lot of our sexuality is above the neck, not below the waist," she says, which could explain why Viagra failed to produce results when tested in females. Viagra helps men with their most typical sexual problem—the inability to achieve and maintain an erection during sex—by causing blood to pool where it's needed. But female sex problems are more complicated and can be caused by a combination of hormonal, psychological, and interpersonal factors.

Dinner date, which could be pur­chased for $150, to a 24-hour date that cost customers $1,500. Oth­er services offered include bond­age

Two local women were ar­rested Tuesday night on misde­meanor sex charges after the pair reportedly offered to "put on a show" for a bachelor party that turned out to be a police sting operation.Prattville Police Chief Alfred Wadsworth confirmed Thurs­day that Dawn Renee Williams and Ashley Lynn Whitesell, both 33-year-old Prattville resi­dents, are each charged with one count of promotion of pros­titution in the third degree. The charge is a misdemeanor, and the women, both of whom are married, were each released on a $500 appearance bond.
Williams, known as "Dixie" on the pair's Web site, and Whitesell, who goes by the name "Darlin'," maintained a site that included racy pictures of them­selves, along with a list of serv­ices and prices.
The services ranged from a dinner date, which could be pur­chased for $150, to a 24-hour date that cost customers $1,500. Oth­er services offered include bond­age, couples action and "nude housekeeping." According to the Web site, Williams even of­fered to travel anywhere in the U.S. or overseas, for a fee of $5,500.
The price list included a chart for converting the U.S. dol­lar amounts to the Euro, British pounds, Canadian and Austral­ian dollars and Japanese yen.
Posted on the site were state­ments such as, "I love what I do and would like to show you that I do," and, "I am a lady and ex­pect to be treated that way."
The duo also advertised that they were available for bachelor parties, birthday parties or pri­vate parties. That's what ulti­mately led to their arrests.
According to Wadsworth, his department began an investiga­tion into the pair's activities aft­er several citizens notified the mayor's office of the online so­licitations. Police set up a fake bachelor party, then arrested the women when they showed up to fulfill the promises they made on their Web site.
"Some citizens called the mayor's office to complain about the Web site, and he noti­fied us," the police chief said. "Our officers selected the bache­lor party (which came with a cost of $300, plus tips) and booked a room in a local motel. The women were arrested after they arrived at the motel."
Police and local prosecutors then searched the Williams resi­dence and seized several pieces of evidence, including a home computer and a client list that included the names and phone numbers of several men in the River Region, including "a few" from Prattville, Wadsworth said.
"We're not releasing the names of the clients, because there isn't any crime we can charge them with," he said. "At this point, the only name I can tell you that is not on there, is former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer."
He said police are continuing their investigation into the on­line operation, and speculated that other charges could evolve from that investigation.
"Our Computer Forensics Unit will evaluate her computer and see if there were any other violations of the law," he said.
The police chief said realiza­tion that such an enterprise was being conducted in the Fountain City caught him a little un­aware. He added that police acted promptly to bust the oper­ation in order to show that such criminal activity would not be tolerated within the city limits of Prattville.
"In the past, we've had some women from Montgomery who rented motel rooms here and did this type of thing," he said. "But it was really surprising to be no­tified that this business was op­erating so much in the open, in our city. We hope these arrests will deter other people from doing this type of thing here, and will cause the people who utilize these services to go some­where else."

Don't believe the hype! We're misled that "good" sex is lots of penetration with g-spot stimulation and huge orgasms.

1 Don't believe the hype! We're misled that "good" sex is lots of penetration with g-spot stimulation and huge orgasms.
The truth is that the average person has sex once a week or less. What's more important is the quality of sex rather than quantity, as is exploring all your erotic zones from toes to clitoris to earlobes.
2 Things outside the bedroom cause most sex problems. Women who get time to rest, have help with housework or childcare report more satisfying sex lives.
3 Poor body image is a cause of women's sexual problems. Build your confidence and you'll feel more like being intimate. Try taking classes on assertiveness, drama or dance.
4 Many women aren't sure what turns them on, or they know what they fancy but are too shy to say. Help yourself by exploring masturbation and fantasies on your own, then with your partner. Dr Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex (Tarcher, £14.99) helps you work out what you'd like to do, while Carol Queen's book Exhibitionism For The Shy (Down There Press) explains how to ask for it.
5 Condoms are the new sex toys. As well as making him last longer, they're guaranteed to turn you on with their different textures or added lubricants. They're also free from family planning or GU clinics (find one at www.condomessentialwear.co.uk) and protect you from STIs and pregnancy.
Sara Nasserzadeh is an award winning certified psychosexual therapist and a couples counsellor.
6 Dare to ask for what you want - but not when you're having sex. You might laugh, but I have manuals to give to couples on when to talk about sex. Choose a time when you're both relaxed, not hungry and never be critical while you're actually having sex.
7 Take your time over things. It shocks couples when I ask them how long it takes for love-making and they think this means how long it takes to have sex. Love-making might lead to intercourse or it might not. Make time to caress, massage and enjoy each other's company.
8 Women suffer brewer's droop too. Alcohol may take away your inhibitions but it can also affect libido, interfere with lubrication and cause a loss of sensation. Over time alcohol and cigarettes will seriously affect your sexual function as they affect your nervous system and circulation.
9 Orgasm is an experience - not a goal. Many couples come to me disappointed they can't reach orgasm together. It's not the same experience for men and women. Clitoral stimulation leads to a sharp, intense orgasm - like a man's - but with penetrative sex women may be able to reach multiple, less intense orgasms.
10 Good sex is the result of physical and mental well-being. Eating a well-balanced diet, not smoking, not drinking large amounts of alcohol and caffeine, sleeping well and exercising regularly could guarantee a better sex life for most people.
Paula Hall is a sexual and relationship psychotherapist.
11 Focus on intimacy not performance. Getting close to your partner is one of the greatest things about sex. Feeling sexually connected with your partner is one of the most erotic experiences.
12 Boost your adrenalin. It is a key chemical in sexual arousal. If you're feeling tired or stressed, perk yourself up by watching a scary movie, have a pillow fight or drink a shot of espresso coffee. Anything that will get your heart racing can make arousal faster and more intense.
13 Have sex - then go to bed. Don't leave sex until last thing at night when you're knackered. Make time earlier in the evening. A bit of basic rescheduling can avoid the "too tired syndrome" that can leave couples procrastinating about their sex life indefinitely.
14 Play "OK, Not OK, Give It A Try". Get a sheet of paper and brainstorm with your partner every sexual activity and technique you can possibly imagine. Watch the new Lovers Guide Interactive DVD to get you thinking. Then separate your list together into OK, Not OK and Give It A Try.
If it's Not OK with either of you, then obviously that's out, but make sure you regularly use your OK list and experiment with the Give It A Try list.

15 Fake it! If you're not feeling sexy or in the mood but you want to be, pretend. Tell yourself you're a seductive sex kitten and slip into something that makes you feel the part.
Rachel Foux is a maternity sexual educator and counsellor. The author of New Mums Guide To Sex (Fusion Press, £8.99), Rachel runs retreats for mums and mums-to-be.
16 Childbirth can improve your sex life. There's evidence that the nerve endings are more sensitive after having a baby, increasing the intensity of orgasms. Also, emotionally you've stepped on to a new level as a couple - it's a powerful rite of passage - which can bring you closer.
17 Go for role play. It'll spice up your sex life and take you beyond just being a mum and dad. Try playing master and slave - it will be a challenge, but a great boost to your self-esteem.
18 Get talking - but not about the kids. If you feel you're not being listened to in the relationship, it doesn't take long for resentment to build up, and that's the biggest chastity belt in any relationship. Open up the lines of communication and you'll find your sex life improves.
19 Be spontaneous. Spontaneity in our sex lives is difficult when we're parents. If you see an opportunity, take it. I have couples who say as soon as the baby's eyes are closed for a nap, they make love.
20 Experiment with sex toys. Fantastic to use either on your own or with your partner. Look for the Berman range of dildos at www.sextoys.co.uk They're good at training your pelvic floor muscles, which improves your orgasms, and they'll inject some fun into your relationship.
Dr Catherine Hood is a medical doctor specialising in psychosexual health and presenter of 21st Century Girls' Guide To Sex on Five Life.
21 Don't head straight for the jackpot. Men have all their erogenous zones concentrated in one area but they still like to be teased, stroked and caressed all over.
Drive him wild by stroking the perineum - the space between the bottom and scrotum - and you'll increase the intensity of his orgasm.
22 It's not the size that counts, it's what you do with it. The average penis size is five inches erect, but as only the bottom third of the vagina has the sensitivity, any more than that is wasted! A good position if your partner has a small penis is "spoons" as this gives deeper penetration.
23 Dream on - there's no harm in thinking about someone else when you're having sex. You're using it to enhance your sexual experience and it can help to keep your mind on the job, especially if you're tired or feeling stressed at work.
24 Don't stop having sex. As you get older it can be more of a challenge to keep your sex life exciting and you do have to adapt, increasing the amount of foreplay.
The real trick is to be able to look at your lover and conjure up the feelings you had when you first got together.
25 Sex brings you closer. It anchors you as a person and creates closeness with your partner. Sex gives you a sense of self-worth - that union with someone who values and wants to be intimate with