During the female-only parties, she explains the physiological differences between men and women and what can help a couple become more in sync in the bedroom.
"Once you come to a couple of these parties, you realize how much I'm trying to promote healthy relationships, to provide education and do it in a fun, classy way," Jones said. "It's not like we're asking them to come to a naughty video store."
Her approach is part of what makes Jones so popular - and successful.Although she has sponsored two other saleswomen in Idaho Falls, there's enough demand for parties that she spends two weekends a month - half her work days - here.Jones started with the goal of making $500 a month so she could stay home with her children. Today her husband stays home while she brings home $112,000 a year."People pay money just to laugh," she said. "We will pay $40 to $50 to see a good comedian, and we leave without a little bag of goodies and without education."After less than three years with Slumber Parties, Jones is the company's top saleswoman, out-selling the other 10,000 reps. In 2005, she amassed $180,000 in retail sales, a new record for the 13-year-old company.Denise first attended a Slumber Party when her sister hosted one a few years ago.Since then, she's attended five parties and has hosted one of her own. Compared to lingerie stores and ordering on the Internet, shopping with Jones puts her at ease."Local shops have the lingerie, but they just don't have quite as much of the novelties," Denise said. "I like to see how it's actually going to work, and with the Internet, there's a chance it could break during shipping. Jeanie guarantees her products."Jones knows her stuff, Denise said, and while Jones shares plenty of statistics, her presentation of the products makes everyone giggle, if not guffaw outright.Jones handles orders privately so women can ask more detailed questions,and brings enough inventory to fill orders, which eliminates unexpected surprises in the mail."I feel comfortable with Jeanie because she doesn't pressure you into buying her products, and she's really easy going and laid back," Denise said. "Jeanie makes it more fun."The popularity of Jones' products doesn't surprise Janet Allen of Creekside Counseling in Idaho Falls. Employees face burnout when there's nothing new to learn at work, she said, and the same is true for romantic relationships."We know that when relationships become static, boring or unstimulating, then they start to deteriorate," Allen said. "Then distance ensues... You have to keep it interesting, or you're probably not going to keep it."
It's also no surprise to Allen that many of the women shopping with Jones are married."Statistically we know that the people who have the best sex - in terms of quality and frequency - are in an emotionally connected, highly committed marriage relationship," Allen said. "Statistics strongly support that sex is best within a marriage."For some customers, bedroom "toys" cut down the time it takes for partners to be successfully intimate."When you have kids, you feel like you have to hurry because they're going to wake up, or you have to hurry because you're going to get interrupted, or because you're tired and you have to get up in the morning," said Amanda, married for seven years and the mother of three children. "(With these products) You don't feel rushed, because this speeds things up, and it can be more intense than an orgasm with just your partner.Information empowers people to make quality decisions, Allen said, and sex is one of the ways adults play in their relationship.Allen's caveat: You're in charge of your choices, and regardless of how zealous or enthusiastic a salesperson is, don't engage in behavior that puts you outside your values and beliefs."But that's not to say that you shouldn't try something new or even a little awkward, because that's our growth edge," Allen said.
Sophie, married for 20 years and the mother of three teenaged boys, invested in some flavored oils and fluffy cream to enhance her relationship with her husband.She's said the products have made their romantic encounters even more enjoyable for both of them.The money's nice, but Jones feels her ability to connect with women is the real payoff."I get cards, phone calls, e-mails: 'You saved my marriage,'" she said. "All of us have questions, and who do you ask? ... That's why they have so much fun. They say, 'I thought it was just me.'"
Friday, 18 September 2009
Finding people on the net can be an isolating/sole activity
There was a time when finding a date, partner, lover or playmate online was frowned upon. It was for people who couldn’t get a date any other way! Oh how things have changed…not only can you sign up to a site listing thousands of singles who match your height, size, location and taste in food…now you can choose your sex partners too.Finding people on the net can be an isolating/sole activity but, once you’ve taken that deep breath and shrugged off the stigma attached to female sexual freedom, life can get very interesting!
Take the fetish scene; it’s out there, sites for introduction or information, clubs for fun, support or full on parties, yearly events and awards, shops for all those outfits and toys to assist in your wildest fantasies. Whether you’re into sexy undies, the power of domination or having your feet licked…it’s yours for the taking. It’s time to turn your man over and tell him how u like it…or come out to the world and grab the girl with the dog collar and lead her straight to your bedroom, love nest or dungeon!So, where do you start what’s the ethics, is it safe, what’s the terminology?
Start at the beginning.
What are you looking for?
Straight sex A specific fetish Are you curious about them all Do you want information before deciding Do you want to meet in the flesh or chat online?
Be clear in your own head what you want, don’t go at someone else’s pace, set your own and only go as far and as fast as you want to.
Once you’ve found a site that interests you take advantage of the free trial offers. Use this time to send as many mails to other members as you can, the more you mail out the more will come back. Chat with lots of people not just the one person. And remember it’s cool for women to make the first contact too!
Fill out your personal details. This is your opportunity to sell yourself. Tell people who you are, what you like, what you’re looking for. If it’s your first time or if you’re new to the scene just say so. The members are into an alternative lifestyle; they’re not an alien life form. And above all, be honest!
Put a picture on your profile. Make sure it’s of you and only you! Not your favourite pet or you and your ex! And make sure it’s an up to date one…nothing worse than when you get to meet someone and they look about 10 years older than the picture you’ve been dreaming over!
Don’t feel obliged to answer every contact. Just because it’s a site about sex doesn’t mean anyone can say anything to you and you have to accept it. No matter what type of site or relationship the overriding word is ‘consensual’. If you’re not interested then don’t reply. You wouldn’t accept a drink, dance or advance from just anyone in a club and the same applies to introduction sites.If there’s something on a persons profile that you don’t understand take a deep breath and ask then or look in the sites glossary. Or if you’re just too shy for that do a search on the Internet!
Use the safety of the site to get to know the people you come in contact with before meeting them in person. If you do agree to meet in person meet in a public place and drive yourself.
Is it a scam I hear you ask? No, there are thousands of people out there looking to make new friends, find romance, find a sex partner that match their hopes, dreams and fantasies and it costs less per month than one night out on the town. And lets be honest, how often will you come across people from around the world that you can talk openly to from the moment you meet them about your inner most fantasies? Do remember though that online dating is a tool to help with what you are looking for but without your input it would be like sitting in the toilets at a party!
It doesn’t matter what your age, size, hair colour or interests are. There are sites on the Internet to meet your need and budget. Whether it’s music, fetish, sport, health or religion, there’s a site for you. So what are you waiting for, get on there and have some fun.
Helen Smith www.fetish-mate.com
Copyright © 2005 Helen Smith. This article is provided courtesy of www.fetish-mate.com This article may be freely published on any website, as long as the links are live, and this notice is left intact.
Take the fetish scene; it’s out there, sites for introduction or information, clubs for fun, support or full on parties, yearly events and awards, shops for all those outfits and toys to assist in your wildest fantasies. Whether you’re into sexy undies, the power of domination or having your feet licked…it’s yours for the taking. It’s time to turn your man over and tell him how u like it…or come out to the world and grab the girl with the dog collar and lead her straight to your bedroom, love nest or dungeon!So, where do you start what’s the ethics, is it safe, what’s the terminology?
Start at the beginning.
What are you looking for?
Straight sex A specific fetish Are you curious about them all Do you want information before deciding Do you want to meet in the flesh or chat online?
Be clear in your own head what you want, don’t go at someone else’s pace, set your own and only go as far and as fast as you want to.
Once you’ve found a site that interests you take advantage of the free trial offers. Use this time to send as many mails to other members as you can, the more you mail out the more will come back. Chat with lots of people not just the one person. And remember it’s cool for women to make the first contact too!
Fill out your personal details. This is your opportunity to sell yourself. Tell people who you are, what you like, what you’re looking for. If it’s your first time or if you’re new to the scene just say so. The members are into an alternative lifestyle; they’re not an alien life form. And above all, be honest!
Put a picture on your profile. Make sure it’s of you and only you! Not your favourite pet or you and your ex! And make sure it’s an up to date one…nothing worse than when you get to meet someone and they look about 10 years older than the picture you’ve been dreaming over!
Don’t feel obliged to answer every contact. Just because it’s a site about sex doesn’t mean anyone can say anything to you and you have to accept it. No matter what type of site or relationship the overriding word is ‘consensual’. If you’re not interested then don’t reply. You wouldn’t accept a drink, dance or advance from just anyone in a club and the same applies to introduction sites.If there’s something on a persons profile that you don’t understand take a deep breath and ask then or look in the sites glossary. Or if you’re just too shy for that do a search on the Internet!
Use the safety of the site to get to know the people you come in contact with before meeting them in person. If you do agree to meet in person meet in a public place and drive yourself.
Is it a scam I hear you ask? No, there are thousands of people out there looking to make new friends, find romance, find a sex partner that match their hopes, dreams and fantasies and it costs less per month than one night out on the town. And lets be honest, how often will you come across people from around the world that you can talk openly to from the moment you meet them about your inner most fantasies? Do remember though that online dating is a tool to help with what you are looking for but without your input it would be like sitting in the toilets at a party!
It doesn’t matter what your age, size, hair colour or interests are. There are sites on the Internet to meet your need and budget. Whether it’s music, fetish, sport, health or religion, there’s a site for you. So what are you waiting for, get on there and have some fun.
Helen Smith www.fetish-mate.com
Copyright © 2005 Helen Smith. This article is provided courtesy of www.fetish-mate.com This article may be freely published on any website, as long as the links are live, and this notice is left intact.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Before we can experience sensuality, touch and pleasure with a lover, it is important that every woman learns to explore her body
Before we can experience sensuality, touch and pleasure with a lover, it is important that every woman learns to explore her body, to pleasure it, and to appreciate it.Yes ladies – you can’t always blame your lover for your failure to launch. Take a good look at your sensual world, your relationship with yourself, your sensuality and erotic power.Begin by asking yourself a few questions:
1. Have you experienced female self pleasuring? Do you have reservations?
2. Are you aware of the sensual sensations of your body?
3. Are you aware of the emotional feelings associated with your body? Your sexuality? Sexual power?
4. Do you know what words, actions, touches that give your more pleasure?
5. Do you know what things relax you, your mind and body? Is it food, music, candles, the feelings of silk on your soft skin?
So how do you develop your ‘female self pleasuring’ potentional?
Well when you have answered these questions, explored yourself, always keep in mind that your are a powerful sexual goddess and you deserve to be treated with respect, love, appreciation, pleasure and admiration – by yourself as well as your lover.
Nurture your erotic relationship with yourself with female self pleasuring.
1. Set the mood, create the scene. From the answers to the questions, prepare your most ideal environment, i.e. one which helps you to relax, enhance your senses and sensuality.
Think music, lighting, fragrance, cushions, oils, toys, clothing – or lack of!
2. Relax mind, body and soul. Have a slow luxurious soak, or give yourself a massage.
3. Slowly begin touching your self (leaving the genitals until the end). Stroke, caress, and admire your body – your hands, legs, stomach.
Some women feel uncomfortable admiring themselves and their bodies. If any such feels come up just note them and let them go. Don’t stop and analyse, just continue touching and pleasuring your body, and make sure your last thought or feeling is a positive one.
4. Feel the energy begin to flow around the body. Feel your skin start to tingle, your breathing deepen.
5. Now start to stroke and caress your breasts, touching them slowly in admiration. Stroke your nipples, feel the skin on the breasts tingle and the energy flow around them.
6. After at least 20minutes of body sensual touching, you can proceed to the intimate areas. Lightly caress your yoni (the tantric word for Vagina which means sacred space), clit, lips.
And any area you wish to explore!
If you experience waves of intense pleasure and emotion (negative or positive) simply note them, breathe slowly and deeply and let these feelings go. Always end on a positive thought and feeling. Continue with your female self pleasuring.
7. Explore your inner erotic beauty by inserting a finger slowly into your yoni – just to within an inch or two initially. Note the physical and sensual sensations – the heat, moisture, and textures. Insert another finger if you’re comfortable. Explore your yoni, g-spot, vary your touch, and drape a lovely silk scarf over the area. Tease your clitoris, starting at the base of the clit and moving towards the head.
(If indulging in intimate massage - make sure you use organic, cold-presses virgin oils such as almond, olive and sesame. Do not use essential oils in any form – on or near the genitals).
8. Allow the powerful erotic and sensual sensations to build and flow in waves throughout the body. Bring yourself close to climax, then slow down breathe deeply and start again. Do this a number of times to allow you to be in a state of arousal and pleasure for good amount of time.
Enjoy the sensations until you can’t take it anymore. Claim and enjoy your female sexual power – the greatest power on the planet!
it wasn’t the men who were degrading the women: the women were degrading themselves
“…it wasn’t the men who were degrading the women: the women were degrading themselves. The Pussycat Dolls took the stage, gyrating around and swinging on poles as they sang about how they wanted guys to throw themselves on them. Nelly Furtado wore a completely see-through dress as she performed her new single. There were numerous other examples of women putting themselves on a display of sexuality throughout the show. In the ’60s and ’70s, women were all about independence and making sure that they were not simply seen as sex toys. It almost seems now like our generation’s young women want men to see them in a sexual light. Girls post promiscuous photos of themselves on social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, desiring for men to leave comments and look through their profiles. Is it because women are desperate for attention?…”
He expects me to shower him with good sex and attention even though he doesn’t give it to me,
He expects me to shower him with good sex and attention even though he doesn’t give it to me,He is horrible in bed; he won’t participate in any sexual games or fantasy things with me so I am always bored. He tells me I lay there and he needs something more but I am the one who comes up with all this cool stuff to do and he refuses to do it.No matter what I say and do I am wrong about it. If he is wrong he won’t admit to it,WE cant do anything that’s free like lay in the grass and he together cause he wont talk to me and if he does its about business so every thing we do has to be about moneyHe agrees with every thing that I say.I don’t trust him; he just acts like he just doesn’t give a shit,Takes care of me financially but not emotionally. Gives the wrong things.We don’t have the same friends. He wont bring his friends around me keeps them far far away. He doesn’t hang with any friends, and he is strange. I feel lonely a lot. Don’t know what to do .what will happen if I let him go. I want things to be different he wont listen to me and change. I tell him we need to have friends hang out with them do things he wont bring his friends around me and he keeps me far away from everyone.He doesn’t like it if his friends and family pay attention to me he wants all the attention h e is afraid they are going to like me better or something. He thinks that they are going to like me and turn on him it’s like a fight.He tries to shub me in a sardine can and lower myself esteem by doing all of these things.If were on a small vacation like going to see family he wont stop so I can smell the flowers and take pictures and things.
He wont use sex toys on me or even make love to my body he rushes threw sex and its over in 10 to 15 minutes if that.
When we make love, he has sex with me in the same position all the time. He doesn’t really connect with me and doesn’t exactly really want to.I am the giver and lover he isn’t. He is the taker.
If I want to talk about my friends or family or anything really he just won’t talk.
If I want to talk to him about problems he refuses to listen an d if he does listen he will just tell me its all in my head and that hear we go again, He is rude in our house. If I am not ready for bed and he is, he turns off the lights while I am walking around the house. He turns off the TV when I am watching it, if we fight about it he says you said you were going up stairs to sleep. He manipulates me, I said to him. I said I was going up to bed but I was still watching the TV. He always turns the lights off on me when I am walking around the house. I have to walk in the dark.When I am sick, he won’t take care of me, when he is sick I take care of him. Get is median and things,He wont use sex toys on me or even make love to my body he rushes threw sex and its over in 10 to 15 minutes if that.
He accuses me of his STD that he caught he tells me I gave it to him and it makes me cry. He gave it to me and didn’t tell me he had it until 2 years later.He sides with people that are being mean to me;
If I want to talk about my friends or family or anything really he just won’t talk.
If I want to talk to him about problems he refuses to listen an d if he does listen he will just tell me its all in my head and that hear we go again, He is rude in our house. If I am not ready for bed and he is, he turns off the lights while I am walking around the house. He turns off the TV when I am watching it, if we fight about it he says you said you were going up stairs to sleep. He manipulates me, I said to him. I said I was going up to bed but I was still watching the TV. He always turns the lights off on me when I am walking around the house. I have to walk in the dark.When I am sick, he won’t take care of me, when he is sick I take care of him. Get is median and things,He wont use sex toys on me or even make love to my body he rushes threw sex and its over in 10 to 15 minutes if that.
He accuses me of his STD that he caught he tells me I gave it to him and it makes me cry. He gave it to me and didn’t tell me he had it until 2 years later.He sides with people that are being mean to me;
woman's main sex organ is her brain.
Ahh..sex drive. I do not know ANY women who have a higher sex drive than their male partners, and all of the couples I know--and I mean ALL--are experiencing the same thing. You are having a LOT of sex compared to most of the women I know (with and without kids), who are lucky if they have it once or twice a MONTH. I don't know what the answer is. People are tired, exhausted from energy spent on work and/or kids, stressed about the economy, traffic, you name it. Sex is just not as exciting after years of being with the same person, no matter how much you love them or are attracted to them. It just gets a little more mundane, in my humble opinion. Would love to hear from others on this, but this really is the most common complaint I have heard between married or long term hetero partners.
Almost Sexless in SF....I have some long held beliefs on this topic: First of all, I believe a woman's main sex organ is her brain. Unless there is some mystery left in the relationship, it is challenging to muster up any kind of drive for sex. I applaud you for mustering enough drive to have sex with your husband twice a week! I think that marital relationships have a natural course. The desire for sex naturally wanes when the routine of family life takes over. Most people have to really work at it to maintain a semblance of mystery which stirs passion-- whether it's fantasy, toys, porn, alcohol, oysters, chocolate, etc.
As for your husband's drive, I would suggest he satisfy himself on the ''days'' that you aren't in the mood. Obligatory sex is not fun for either party. Though, I've heard that it is good for a marriage. I, personally have a really hard time going along with it for my partner's sake. Others don't. It's an individual thing.
Tell your partner that the reason there was more passion when you were first dating, is that there was still mystery! You each put each other on a pedestal and were still discovering things about each other. This creates an element of surprise which fuels passion. Why does the story go that the girl always is attracted to the bad boy? Because it's the taboo factor. We want what we shouldn't have. Hence, there is attraction.You are being too hard on yourself - yes it's possible that you don't desire him ''every day''. And, yes, you can have beliefs of how a mother and wife are different because they are! You have lots of other emotional ties in your life. It is different than it was when it was just you and he.
This is a female point of view.
Almost Sexless in SF....I have some long held beliefs on this topic: First of all, I believe a woman's main sex organ is her brain. Unless there is some mystery left in the relationship, it is challenging to muster up any kind of drive for sex. I applaud you for mustering enough drive to have sex with your husband twice a week! I think that marital relationships have a natural course. The desire for sex naturally wanes when the routine of family life takes over. Most people have to really work at it to maintain a semblance of mystery which stirs passion-- whether it's fantasy, toys, porn, alcohol, oysters, chocolate, etc.
As for your husband's drive, I would suggest he satisfy himself on the ''days'' that you aren't in the mood. Obligatory sex is not fun for either party. Though, I've heard that it is good for a marriage. I, personally have a really hard time going along with it for my partner's sake. Others don't. It's an individual thing.
Tell your partner that the reason there was more passion when you were first dating, is that there was still mystery! You each put each other on a pedestal and were still discovering things about each other. This creates an element of surprise which fuels passion. Why does the story go that the girl always is attracted to the bad boy? Because it's the taboo factor. We want what we shouldn't have. Hence, there is attraction.You are being too hard on yourself - yes it's possible that you don't desire him ''every day''. And, yes, you can have beliefs of how a mother and wife are different because they are! You have lots of other emotional ties in your life. It is different than it was when it was just you and he.
This is a female point of view.
Monday, 25 May 2009
Prostitution is a recession-proof business
Statistics from the international non-governmental organisation, Coalition Against the Trafficking of Women, suggest that there are about 150,000 prostitutes working in Malaysia, with over 10,000 in the Klang Valley.According to information from the women rescued by local women’s aid NGO Tenaganita, a prostitute usually works a seven-day week, charging RM150 an hour.
“Serving an average of eight clients a day, she ends up making RM1,200 daily and possibly RM36,000 a month,” the New Strait Times quoted Aegile Fernandez, anti-human trafficking coordinator of the NGO who has had experience making women escape the sex industry for more than 20 years, as saying.“But that is just full-time sex workers who enter the trade willingly. If the girls are forced into the trade via human trafficking, she gets nothing except a traumatic experience,” Aegile added.The syndicate running the brothels is said to usually have up to 100 girls under them, meaning that they could rake in about RM120,000 a day and a whopping RM3.6 million a month.Information from pimps operating in the country suggests that Malaysia has hundreds of such syndicates, each operating several brothels in their designated areas. Many brothels in Malaysia double as “health centres” offering massage services.JJ, a pimp for more than 10 years, says that clients are willing to pay from RM60 to RM100 for an hour of massage, followed by an additional RM150 for sex.“Prostitutes who double as massage ladies also get a fee from their handlers for massage services, usually about RM20 per customer,” JJ says.So, in addition to as much as RM36,000 monthly from sex alone, a prostitute can add on another RM9,000 for offering “half services”, bringing her monthly untaxed income to a whopping RM45,000.“Don’t forget their RM200 a day wages for massaging an average of 10 customers. That’s a legitimate RM5,200 a month or RM62,400 a year. They can choose to pay tax on that, but most don’t,” says JJ.He has also revealed that each sex worker pays RM3,000 a month to pimps “as tax or rent for using our centres to do business and for protection from aggressive customers.”According to him, prostitution is a recession-proof business.“Things didn’t slow down for us during the 1997 Asian financial crisis or any of the recessions before that. Sex, like food, is a necessity,” he said. (ANI)
SEXtech
TechSexual Communications.This might include using text, IM, email, video or other technologies. These communications might be with a specific other or with the general public (for example, maintaining an anonymous or public sex blog where you present yourself and your sex life in a particular way).Using Technology to Create Sexual Opportunities.An ever-increasing number of social networking services (for computers and mobile) are designed to make finding sexual partners and negotiating sexual interactions easier. By allowing people from around the world to connect based on sexual interests, many technologies facilitate sexual opportunities between people who previously would have been unlikely to find partners with matched interests. Technology also creates more solo sexual opportunities by allowing individuals to access sexual material in a safer, faster, easier way.Using Technology for "In Real Life" Sexual Activities.Technology can do more than just help us make time for sex or find a sexual partner, tech has a role in both solo and partnered sex play. From the newest pharmaceutical drugs to programmable sex toys and special positioning devices, we use technology in our sex play to change enhance and support sexual pleasure.Using Technology to Explore Sexual Identity and Orientation.The relative anonymity that technology affords us in communication has changed the way we can present ourselves to the world. It is relatively easy to develop alternate personas online and experience sexual interactions through a different orientation or identity than the one you have in your face-to-face interactions. Many people have long-term work and personal relationship with people they’ve never met in person and sometimes have never spoken with, reducing the power of impressions and stereotypes based on visual and audio cues. Virtual spaces that make use of avatars allow users to develop rich and meaningful identities that they can carry over into other parts of their lives, or not.Technology for Sexual Education.Some people’s interest in sex tech is less personal and more professional and political. Sexuality educators have been relatively slow in adopting new technologies but this is changing. Sex:Tech is an annual conference that focuses on using technologies for sexual health education and the number of websites offering sex education for youth and adults continues to grow as does the adoption of social networking technologies for sex education purposes.Technology for Sexual Entertainment.People may have finally come around to the realization that the Internet isn’t just for porn, but it’s still a popular way to find sexual entertainment. Viewing online pornography, playing sex video games visiting virtual strip clubs -- some people would also consider the virtual sex they have a form of entertainment (while for others virtual sex is tied to relationships and carries more meaning). The history of sex tech shows that whenever a new form of technology is introduced, people use it for sexual entertainment almost immediately.Technology for Sexual/Reproductive Health.What we can do with new health/medical technologies has greatly expanded our reproductive options, and sex tech includes technology for fertility testing and treatment. In another area of sexual health, technology is being used to enhance treatments for sexual dysfunctions, though almost exclusively through pharmaceutical technologies. Unfortunately as sex researchers and therapists have also been slow in adopting new technologies, the use of sex tech to influence sexual dysfunctions and sexual pleasure through social, cognitive and behavior means has yet to be explored in any depth.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
“I’m not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device,”
“I’m not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device,” to which Samantha responded, “You say that, but you haven’t met The Rabbit.”
Popular toys like The Rabbit, Fleshlight and Purple Rocket may now make up part of the $15 billion global sex toy industry, but it’s been a long road to success for these pleasure props.Early models of the vibrator were used to treat women with hysteria, which, up until 1952 when the American Psychiatric Association dropped the term, was a disorder associated with repressed female sexuality. “[Hysteria] displayed a symptomatology consistent with the normal functioning of female sexuality, for which relief, not surprisingly, was obtained through orgasm, either through intercourse in the marriage bed or by means of massage on the physician’s table,” explained Rachel P. Maines in The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator, and the Women’s Sexual Satisfaction.
Today, sex toys have broken free of their medical means and are making a significant mark in contemporary culture.Not only does the topic of sex toys warrant shout outs in such television shows as Sex and the City and the upcoming TLC program Mother Knows Sex, a reality show which follows the life of a church-going housewife who has made millions selling sex toys, but it has also been integrated into mainstream culture in more tangible ways.Sex toy parties have grown in popularity as a more provocative take on the Tupperware party. “[They] might make people more comfortable, because someone is coming to your home, you’re with friends, it’s fun and informative,” said Michelle Everest, who teaches human sexuality at Western. Everest also mentioned the existence of progressive sex shops, such as Come As You Are and Good for Her in Toronto, which offer information and sex workshops to help people become better in tune with their sexuality.Despite the growing popularity, acceptance and booming business of sex toys, it’s still an industry facing a number of challenges.“There’s still probably a stigma about going into a sex store, regardless of how progressive it is,” Everest said. “We hope to de-stigmatize the use of them. They’re not for oversexualized people. They’re not for single people who don’t have intimate partners. [Sex toys are] a way to explore your sexuality in a very healthy way,” she added.Susan Knabe, who teaches in both the Faculty of Information and Media Studies and the department of women’s studies and feminist research at Western, identified female sexuality and the idea of sex toys as a joke as problematic.
The Libido Erotic Emporium for Women, a female-friendly sex store located in London, was dedicated to promoting a comfortable, non-judgmental space to shop.
“If things were ever sold in packaging that was inappropriate — and that could basically be anything from being oppressive to women or hetero-normative — she just refused to buy it.”Scanlon also explained how more traditional sex stores can be alienating to customers who stray from our society’s narrow frame of who should be having sex, such as Libido’s customer base that consisted largely of older women. When Libido closed its doors in September 2008, Scanlon recalled a lot of regular customers were devastated, as they felt unwelcome in conventional sex stores.
“It was really, really hard and sad,” she said.
Popular toys like The Rabbit, Fleshlight and Purple Rocket may now make up part of the $15 billion global sex toy industry, but it’s been a long road to success for these pleasure props.Early models of the vibrator were used to treat women with hysteria, which, up until 1952 when the American Psychiatric Association dropped the term, was a disorder associated with repressed female sexuality. “[Hysteria] displayed a symptomatology consistent with the normal functioning of female sexuality, for which relief, not surprisingly, was obtained through orgasm, either through intercourse in the marriage bed or by means of massage on the physician’s table,” explained Rachel P. Maines in The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator, and the Women’s Sexual Satisfaction.
Today, sex toys have broken free of their medical means and are making a significant mark in contemporary culture.Not only does the topic of sex toys warrant shout outs in such television shows as Sex and the City and the upcoming TLC program Mother Knows Sex, a reality show which follows the life of a church-going housewife who has made millions selling sex toys, but it has also been integrated into mainstream culture in more tangible ways.Sex toy parties have grown in popularity as a more provocative take on the Tupperware party. “[They] might make people more comfortable, because someone is coming to your home, you’re with friends, it’s fun and informative,” said Michelle Everest, who teaches human sexuality at Western. Everest also mentioned the existence of progressive sex shops, such as Come As You Are and Good for Her in Toronto, which offer information and sex workshops to help people become better in tune with their sexuality.Despite the growing popularity, acceptance and booming business of sex toys, it’s still an industry facing a number of challenges.“There’s still probably a stigma about going into a sex store, regardless of how progressive it is,” Everest said. “We hope to de-stigmatize the use of them. They’re not for oversexualized people. They’re not for single people who don’t have intimate partners. [Sex toys are] a way to explore your sexuality in a very healthy way,” she added.Susan Knabe, who teaches in both the Faculty of Information and Media Studies and the department of women’s studies and feminist research at Western, identified female sexuality and the idea of sex toys as a joke as problematic.
“It’s the way women are positioned as sexual consumers,” Knabe said, adding that lingerie and sex toys have come to be how women position themselves sexually.“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but I do think it’s easily recuperated within the discourse of women’s sexuality as being sort of trivial. It’s associating it with toys, infantilizing or at least juvenile.”
The Libido Erotic Emporium for Women, a female-friendly sex store located in London, was dedicated to promoting a comfortable, non-judgmental space to shop.
“[Kelly Garland, the owner of Libido] really tried to support women-only businesses. She was also very conscientious of the packaging things were sold in,” explained Sarah Scanlon, internal relations manager for the Women’s Issues Network and a former employee at Libido.
“If things were ever sold in packaging that was inappropriate — and that could basically be anything from being oppressive to women or hetero-normative — she just refused to buy it.”Scanlon also explained how more traditional sex stores can be alienating to customers who stray from our society’s narrow frame of who should be having sex, such as Libido’s customer base that consisted largely of older women. When Libido closed its doors in September 2008, Scanlon recalled a lot of regular customers were devastated, as they felt unwelcome in conventional sex stores.
“It was really, really hard and sad,” she said.
making masturbation interesting,Before becoming a porn mastermind, Houston worked at Good Vibrations, another pillar of San Francisco's sex industry.
On the very edge of Bernal Heights, right before the residential streets drop away and the passing highway begins, lives Shine Louise Houston -- the creative force behind self-proclaimed indie dyke porn studio Pink & White Productions. Climbing up the stairs, stepping over scattered children's toys to Houston's apartment, nothing gives away the fact that the ex-film student living here shoots and edits high-quality queer porn. From her home office, Houston has worked on multiple critically acclaimed, award-winning features, like Crashpad and Superfreak -- films that take a craftsman's approach to sex. As Violet Blue explained in her recent SF Chronicle column about Pink & White's new film, Champion: Love Hurts, the members of this women-run production studio were "primed like evil gay masterminds to conquer the world with their superlative films" from the very beginning back in 2005 -- and it they have.Before becoming a porn mastermind, Houston worked at Good Vibrations, another pillar of San Francisco's sex industry. Every day, as part of her demanding retail job -- which, she explains, required her to be both "salesperson and sexologist" -- she saw the void in available porn DVDs where decent, female-oriented films featuring non-cookie-cutter bodies should have been. Sure, a few movies had popped up here and there. Even Good Vibes had tried its hand at making features. As she saw it though, there were no long-term, sustainable studios putting out the type of porn she wanted to see. Once she hit 30, she decided to quit. "I said, 'Fuck this. I'm starting a company," she laughs. Soon enough, she found herself telling a potential backer who asked who she was, "I'm going to be the best dyke porn producer in San Francisco."
Above all, Houston believes in the art of film, no matter what her subject. The original Crashpad, for example, Pink & White's early feature about a mysterious apartment where women can go for uninhibited fun, was shot in four days at a friend's apartment, using models (i.e., actors) who'd simply heard about the project by word of mouth. The editing process, by comparison to those three days, took eight weeks. "Every other genre of film conforms to a certain visual language," says Houston, so why can't porn? Why should viewers have to suffice with long takes, single shots, and awkward camera movement? When she's on the job, Houston isn't thinking about the beautiful women in front of her, she says. She's thinking about how to film them. "Four-ways are the hardest to shoot," she explains, "because there are always bodies blocking everything." Also tough: making masturbation interesting.Houston and Pink and White as a whole have received a lot of praise for the "realness" of their sex scenes -- but when it comes to her art form, ironically, Houston doesn't believe in the "real." It's true that, unlike a lot of mainstream pornographers, she doesn't choreograph her models. She just lets them go at it."What they're doing is fine," she says. Though the natural pace to this kind of sex be longer and more drawn out than what normally appears in porn, she can compress everything down in postproduction, giving each scene a steady beat - if not an authentic one. Houston isn't worried the extra time she dedicates to her films will slow her down. She prides herself on featuring alternative bodies, on presenting the queer without exoticizing it. "The porn audience as a whole is getting smarter," she says, and that's just what they want.
505 cent is now on to sex toys.
Female First reports, "The sexy rapper is desperate to release a line of condoms and waterproof sex toys designed to excite his female fans and make them feel closer to his idols."
Saturday, 22 November 2008
doesn’t have sex with her husband anymore. Instead, he locks himself in another room and looks at pornography online
Southern wife and mother who’d prefer to go by her anonymous online handle, doesn’t have sex with her husband anymore. Instead, he locks himself in another room and looks at pornography online, she says sometimes for 10-to-12 hours a day during a conference call she’s requested so that I can’t identify her home phone number. Though he’s “loving and touchy-feely” in public, all his affections at home go toward his habit for porn, a word Grits4Ever can barely bring herself to say. “I used to feel ashamed,” she admits, “like I was the only one out there with a problem, like it was my fault.” That is, until she found the Experience Project, a web site where thousands of others were also sharing their sexless-marriage stories.
“You actually have sex on the internet?!” look of shock and concern—raised eyebrows, dropped jaw.
“You actually have sex on the internet?!” look of shock and concern—raised eyebrows, dropped jaw. And then there’s the most curious reaction of all: the understanding, almost sympathetic nod, which says, “It must be tough, but good for you. After all, somebody has got to uncover that den of online perversion.”
Rarely do people—even sex positive people—respond cybersex positively. Why is that? When so many consenting adults are having sex online, why do we still think of it as “wrong”? Sure, we can blame media that feeds us anti-cybersex sensationalism (To Catch a Predator, with its line-up of internet prowling pedophiles, come to mind). But the truth is we love sex, and we definitely love technology. So why can’t we love the two together?
“Are there any benefits to cybersex?” Like, seriously? Maybe I haven’t been making myself clear: of course there are benefits to cybersex! Cybersex, like real-life sex, can be a wonderful thing—full of pleasure, skill, and sexual self-expression. Here are the top ten reasons you—yes, you, red-blooded, non-perverted American citizen—should be out doing it right now.
1. Safety: Despite the sensationalist buzz around internet predators, cybersex is actually a lot safer than sex in real life. Don’t give out personal information to strangers, of course, and you’ll find the only thing you have worry about is what turns you on—not STD’s, not unwanted pregnancy, not even how to find a babysitter. As one single mom put it, “Why endanger my kids by bringing home sexual partners if I can tuck them into bed and have fun online in the next room?”
2. Convenient sex for singles: Cybersex doesn’t require an empty house, a hotel room, or even a bed. More importantly, it doesn’t require the lengthy tactics of face-to-face seduction. Whether you’re looking for a quick romp before you head off to work—hard to come by if you live alone—or an end-of-the-night, on-demand orgasm, the internet and its wealth of cybersex enthusiasts is always waiting and ready.
3. Convenient sex for couples: He lives in California. She’s spending three weeks visiting family in the Philippines. How will this couple handle their time apart? By having regular webcam sex, of course! Being long-distance doesn’t mean you have to be sexually frustrated. In fact, it can be a great time to explore sexy new sides to a relationship—with the help of a little technology.
4. Trying new kinks: Because cybersex isn’t “real,” it gives people a chance to experiment with sex acts and fetishes they haven’t, wouldn’t, or couldn’t in real life. Think you have a thing for stockings? Want to practice switching genders? Does the idea of being a giant whale really turn you on, but you can’t figure out the logistics? Internet sex communities are often accepting and almost always anonymous. Who’s going to judge you?
5. Meeting new people: Having cybersex with someone you’ve just met may seem strange, but it can actually lead to lasting online friendships. Hook up with a hottie in a virtual world and you may find yourself chatting about indie rock and ice cream preferences for hours after the sex is over. There’s also the appeal of the virtual one-night stand: a new lover every night, from the comfort of a desk chair.
6. Exercising your creative muscle: Cybersex is an art. How often do you get to write like an erotic novelist and dream up new ways to describe that tired, old “throbbing member”? Alternately, take pride in your digital-camera skills. You’re a real pornography photographer when you snap those naked pictures and post them online. Own up!
7. Making money: Sure, there are stigmas around using your body for cash. But combine the safety, creativity, and convenience of cybersex, and you’ve got a great recipe for online sex work. From escorting in Second Life to performing on webcams, the possibilities abound for internet users who feel comfortable putting themselves out there online—and earning something back in exchange.
8. Gaining confidence: Don’t think you’re a sexy person? You’re wrong. Someone out there on the world wide web shares your sexual interests—and thinks you’re hot. Start chatting; buy yourself a webcam. With enough cyberers wrapped around your sexy, virtual finger, you might just look in the real-life mirror a whole new way.
9. Practicing for “the real thing”: Talking dirty in real-life bed can be hard—not because it’s actually difficult, but because it comes with a lot of pressure. “What if I sound stupid? What if he doesn’t think it’s sexy?” Enter text-based cybersex. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, it’s easy to get feedback on dirty talk—and to get used to hearing it coming out of your fingertips, if not your mouth.
10. The sheer pleasure: Cybersex is sexy, and it feels good. So go on, have some already!
Rarely do people—even sex positive people—respond cybersex positively. Why is that? When so many consenting adults are having sex online, why do we still think of it as “wrong”? Sure, we can blame media that feeds us anti-cybersex sensationalism (To Catch a Predator, with its line-up of internet prowling pedophiles, come to mind). But the truth is we love sex, and we definitely love technology. So why can’t we love the two together?
“Are there any benefits to cybersex?” Like, seriously? Maybe I haven’t been making myself clear: of course there are benefits to cybersex! Cybersex, like real-life sex, can be a wonderful thing—full of pleasure, skill, and sexual self-expression. Here are the top ten reasons you—yes, you, red-blooded, non-perverted American citizen—should be out doing it right now.
1. Safety: Despite the sensationalist buzz around internet predators, cybersex is actually a lot safer than sex in real life. Don’t give out personal information to strangers, of course, and you’ll find the only thing you have worry about is what turns you on—not STD’s, not unwanted pregnancy, not even how to find a babysitter. As one single mom put it, “Why endanger my kids by bringing home sexual partners if I can tuck them into bed and have fun online in the next room?”
2. Convenient sex for singles: Cybersex doesn’t require an empty house, a hotel room, or even a bed. More importantly, it doesn’t require the lengthy tactics of face-to-face seduction. Whether you’re looking for a quick romp before you head off to work—hard to come by if you live alone—or an end-of-the-night, on-demand orgasm, the internet and its wealth of cybersex enthusiasts is always waiting and ready.
3. Convenient sex for couples: He lives in California. She’s spending three weeks visiting family in the Philippines. How will this couple handle their time apart? By having regular webcam sex, of course! Being long-distance doesn’t mean you have to be sexually frustrated. In fact, it can be a great time to explore sexy new sides to a relationship—with the help of a little technology.
4. Trying new kinks: Because cybersex isn’t “real,” it gives people a chance to experiment with sex acts and fetishes they haven’t, wouldn’t, or couldn’t in real life. Think you have a thing for stockings? Want to practice switching genders? Does the idea of being a giant whale really turn you on, but you can’t figure out the logistics? Internet sex communities are often accepting and almost always anonymous. Who’s going to judge you?
5. Meeting new people: Having cybersex with someone you’ve just met may seem strange, but it can actually lead to lasting online friendships. Hook up with a hottie in a virtual world and you may find yourself chatting about indie rock and ice cream preferences for hours after the sex is over. There’s also the appeal of the virtual one-night stand: a new lover every night, from the comfort of a desk chair.
6. Exercising your creative muscle: Cybersex is an art. How often do you get to write like an erotic novelist and dream up new ways to describe that tired, old “throbbing member”? Alternately, take pride in your digital-camera skills. You’re a real pornography photographer when you snap those naked pictures and post them online. Own up!
7. Making money: Sure, there are stigmas around using your body for cash. But combine the safety, creativity, and convenience of cybersex, and you’ve got a great recipe for online sex work. From escorting in Second Life to performing on webcams, the possibilities abound for internet users who feel comfortable putting themselves out there online—and earning something back in exchange.
8. Gaining confidence: Don’t think you’re a sexy person? You’re wrong. Someone out there on the world wide web shares your sexual interests—and thinks you’re hot. Start chatting; buy yourself a webcam. With enough cyberers wrapped around your sexy, virtual finger, you might just look in the real-life mirror a whole new way.
9. Practicing for “the real thing”: Talking dirty in real-life bed can be hard—not because it’s actually difficult, but because it comes with a lot of pressure. “What if I sound stupid? What if he doesn’t think it’s sexy?” Enter text-based cybersex. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, it’s easy to get feedback on dirty talk—and to get used to hearing it coming out of your fingertips, if not your mouth.
10. The sheer pleasure: Cybersex is sexy, and it feels good. So go on, have some already!
"We weren't even having cyber sex or anything like that, we were just chatting and hanging out together,"
British couple who married in a lavish Second Life wedding ceremony are to divorce after one of them had an alleged "affair" in the online world.Amy Taylor, 28, said she had caught husband David Pollard, 40, having sex with an animated woman. The couple, who met in an Internet chatroom in 2003, are now separated."I went mad -- I was so hurt. I just couldn't believe what he'd done," "It may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over."
Second Life allows users to create alter egos known as "avatars" and interact with other players, forming relationships, holding down jobs and trading products and services for a virtual currency convertible into real life dollars.
Taylor said she had caught Pollard's avatar having sex with a virtual prostitute: "I looked at the computer screen and could see his character having sex with a female character. It's cheating as far as I'm concerned."The couple's real-life wedding in 2005 was eclipsed by a fairy tale ceremony held within Second Life. she had subsequently hired an online private detective to track his activities: "He never did anything in real life, but I had my suspicions about what he was doing in Second Life."Pollard admitted having an online relationship with a "girl in America" but denied wrongdoing. "We weren't even having cyber sex or anything like that, we were just chatting and hanging out together," Taylor is now in a new relationship with a man she met in the online roleplaying game World of Warcraft.
Second Life allows users to create alter egos known as "avatars" and interact with other players, forming relationships, holding down jobs and trading products and services for a virtual currency convertible into real life dollars.
Taylor said she had caught Pollard's avatar having sex with a virtual prostitute: "I looked at the computer screen and could see his character having sex with a female character. It's cheating as far as I'm concerned."The couple's real-life wedding in 2005 was eclipsed by a fairy tale ceremony held within Second Life. she had subsequently hired an online private detective to track his activities: "He never did anything in real life, but I had my suspicions about what he was doing in Second Life."Pollard admitted having an online relationship with a "girl in America" but denied wrongdoing. "We weren't even having cyber sex or anything like that, we were just chatting and hanging out together," Taylor is now in a new relationship with a man she met in the online roleplaying game World of Warcraft.
Friday, 21 November 2008
modern medicine now offers women a near-perfect physical simulation of their lost innocence
Once lost, virginity can never be replaced — but modern medicine now offers women a near-perfect physical simulation of their lost innocence. Hymenoplasty, the surgical reconstruction of the hymen broken during a women's first experience of intercourse, or, increasingly, during demanding exercise or as a result of a collision or fall by women who've never had sex, has prompted a growing number of young betrothed women in France to make a last-ditch attempt to avoid the humiliation, repudiation, and possibly violence that could result from husbands and families discovering from blood-free bridal sheets that their wedding night had not been their first sexual experience.Hymenoplasty has generated renewed attention here in the wake of a court ruling last month in the northern city of Lille, which annulled a marriage on the basis of a husband's complaint that his wife had falsely promised that she was a virgin — a confession he obtained after furiously waving the new couple's spotless bedclothes before still-celebrating wedding guests. Though the decision made no mention of religion, the fact that the couple were Muslim sparked complaints that France's strictly secular state is being undermined by traditional Arab cultural strictures. The court ruling also infuriated feminists, who saw its acceptance of prior sexual experience as grounds for annulment as tantamount to treating marriage as the equivalent of a commercial transaction in which the buyer had discovered a hidden flaw in his purchase. Many Muslim leaders were also outraged, insisting that Islam does not demand virginity as a precondition for marriage, and claimed that the ruling belied the judge's archaic misunderstanding of the faith and its tenets.
Though an appeal by France's Justice Ministry resulted in the Lille ruling being overturned, the storm it provoked has focused media attention on young Muslim women who turn to hymenoplasty to avoid the fate of the repudiated Lille bride. News reports have featured traumatized patients discussing the reaction they'd have faced on their wedding night or following virginity examinations frequently required prior to traditional marriages. Some admit they've paid as much as $5,250 to have their hymens reconstituted in private French clinics; others go to cities in Tunisia, Algeria, or Morocco, where the procedure is even more common, and costs as little as $300. Though the number of Muslim women in the United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium, and France undergoing the procedure is unknown, there's a consensus among doctors that hymenoplasty is increasingly common. Ironically, as some commentators note, the increase in the procedure reflects the growing emancipation of women from tradition-rooted communities, but also the ongoing male oppression signified by the obsession with female virginity. "French Muslim women are increasingly defying the restrictions and repression men try to enforce, and leading full, modern lives — including sexually," says Dounia Bouzar, whose recent book Allah, My Boss, and Me explores Islam in the French workplace. "The one time they feel obliged to make a concession to outdated attitudes is with the marital requirement of virginity — a purely macho tradition that has no basis in Islam, and is certainly nothing courts should be respecting. This surgery is unfortunate, though it is a way for women who have insisted on living their own lives to avoid punishment under a backward custom." Even then, there's plenty of anguish and surrender involved. Doctor Stephane Saint-Leger, head of the Children and Women's Ward at the Robert Ballanger Hospital in the ethnically diverse Paris suburb of Aulnay-sous-Bois, agrees the social and sexual differences between young Muslim and non-Muslim women in France are shrinking — including a trend of marrying later in life. That trend has generally reduced the likelihood of women of any faith marrying as virgins. But Saint-Leger says the pressure and intimidation evoked by the Muslim women who come to him for help as their traditional weddings loom frequently threaten their physical and psychological well-being. For that reason, he says, he often agrees to perform hymenoplasties, even though it's the kind of indirectly coerced act he considers ethically objectionable. "They represent young Muslim women surrendering to unnecessary medical intervention due to unacceptable pressure," Saint-Leger says. "With this, its pressure from the traditional people. But elsewhere, women also surrender to unnecessary medical intervention to change their breasts, noses, lips, or entire face due to unacceptable pressure of the beautiful people."
Though the overturning of the Lille verdict removes the risk non-virgin Muslim brides could find themselves dragged to court on fraud charges by infuriated husbands, the cultural pressures some face remain sufficiently great that many will continue turning to hymenoplasty to restore the semblance of chastity. Many times, however, the ruse may all be for naught: Saint-Leger notes notes that 30% to 40% of both original and reconstructed hymens fail to produce the virginity-confirming bleeding when ruptured by penetration, anyway.
Though an appeal by France's Justice Ministry resulted in the Lille ruling being overturned, the storm it provoked has focused media attention on young Muslim women who turn to hymenoplasty to avoid the fate of the repudiated Lille bride. News reports have featured traumatized patients discussing the reaction they'd have faced on their wedding night or following virginity examinations frequently required prior to traditional marriages. Some admit they've paid as much as $5,250 to have their hymens reconstituted in private French clinics; others go to cities in Tunisia, Algeria, or Morocco, where the procedure is even more common, and costs as little as $300. Though the number of Muslim women in the United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium, and France undergoing the procedure is unknown, there's a consensus among doctors that hymenoplasty is increasingly common. Ironically, as some commentators note, the increase in the procedure reflects the growing emancipation of women from tradition-rooted communities, but also the ongoing male oppression signified by the obsession with female virginity. "French Muslim women are increasingly defying the restrictions and repression men try to enforce, and leading full, modern lives — including sexually," says Dounia Bouzar, whose recent book Allah, My Boss, and Me explores Islam in the French workplace. "The one time they feel obliged to make a concession to outdated attitudes is with the marital requirement of virginity — a purely macho tradition that has no basis in Islam, and is certainly nothing courts should be respecting. This surgery is unfortunate, though it is a way for women who have insisted on living their own lives to avoid punishment under a backward custom." Even then, there's plenty of anguish and surrender involved. Doctor Stephane Saint-Leger, head of the Children and Women's Ward at the Robert Ballanger Hospital in the ethnically diverse Paris suburb of Aulnay-sous-Bois, agrees the social and sexual differences between young Muslim and non-Muslim women in France are shrinking — including a trend of marrying later in life. That trend has generally reduced the likelihood of women of any faith marrying as virgins. But Saint-Leger says the pressure and intimidation evoked by the Muslim women who come to him for help as their traditional weddings loom frequently threaten their physical and psychological well-being. For that reason, he says, he often agrees to perform hymenoplasties, even though it's the kind of indirectly coerced act he considers ethically objectionable. "They represent young Muslim women surrendering to unnecessary medical intervention due to unacceptable pressure," Saint-Leger says. "With this, its pressure from the traditional people. But elsewhere, women also surrender to unnecessary medical intervention to change their breasts, noses, lips, or entire face due to unacceptable pressure of the beautiful people."
Though the overturning of the Lille verdict removes the risk non-virgin Muslim brides could find themselves dragged to court on fraud charges by infuriated husbands, the cultural pressures some face remain sufficiently great that many will continue turning to hymenoplasty to restore the semblance of chastity. Many times, however, the ruse may all be for naught: Saint-Leger notes notes that 30% to 40% of both original and reconstructed hymens fail to produce the virginity-confirming bleeding when ruptured by penetration, anyway.
McWhore is an anonymous woman who has worked in the sex industry in Scotland
high-profile sex blogger, after an "erotic masseuse" known only as Slutty McWhore started writing a column for The Skinny magazine, a youth street paper that has set itself on a collision course with anti-prostitution groups after the announcement that it would be dedicating an entire issue to sex workers.McWhore is an anonymous woman who has worked in the sex industry in Scotland and America,Women's groups are already lining up to attack the column, which they accuse of "normalising" the sex trade and bolstering the arguments for its legalisation.The Skinny's new columnist, a women in her early-30s who is currently living in America, said: "The Skinny blog is a place for me to educate, or at least inform, people about the nature of the job and bust some of the myths and stereotypes about sex workers.
"I want it to reflect my experience of ambivalence about the industry. I don't like sex-worker bloggers who describe sex work as empowering', but I also hate the radical feminists who think that women like me are poor, f******-up victims. It's such a grey area, and this is what I want my blog to reflect."She added: "Sex work - or writing about it, at least - has totally boosted my confidence and self-esteem as a woman."The Skinny's next issue will be dedicated to promulgating its liberal stance on prostitution, promoted by a section of its paper that used to be called LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Transexual and Bisexual) but is now called Deviance - a move that was controversial in itself.Rupert Thomson, its editor, said the magazine was dedicated to creating a "social effect". He said: "It's important to support sex workers because they are routinely denied a voice and others consistently insist on speaking for them. It's a typical irony that those who think they know what's best for sex workers tend to advocate laws that are damaging to them. We want to initiate conversation."The sex industry splits opinion drastically, which reflects the fact there's a lot at stake and there are no easy answers, and we thought the supporting voice needed a greater airing. We want to promote a positive sexual attitude all round."Its stance directly contradicts the current orthodoxy, which hinges on the assumption that prostitution is a form of violence against women, instead favouring an approach that considers the relaxation of current laws.Thomson continued: "They say it's the oldest profession, and you've got to think at least some of those transactions weren't abusive."Jan Macleod, from Glasgow Women's Support, worried that the blog would perpetrate the "male fantasy of the happy hooker", a woman who enters sex work voluntarily and enjoys her work.Research conducted by her group - passionate advocates of strong laws on prostitution, including those passed last year that criminalise the men that buy sex - indicates women in the sex industry only report positive experiences 9% of the time, most of which correspond with the handing over of money.She said: "I don't get the argument that suggests because prostitution worked out for one woman, it should be legalised. The opposite is true. The fact that a very small number of women come out of it with money and a decent level of life in no way makes up for the fact the life expectancy of most sex workers is severely shortened by their work."However, there is a clamour in parts of Scotland for a more liberal stance on sex work. George Lewis, co-chair of ScotPep (Scottish Prostitutes Education Project), a group set up to promote "health and dignity in prostitution", said: "Any informed debate is healthy. In the case of The Skinny, where its readers may be the policy-makers of the future, it is particularly important.""The next battle will be on the issue of criminalising the purchase of sex," he added.
"I want it to reflect my experience of ambivalence about the industry. I don't like sex-worker bloggers who describe sex work as empowering', but I also hate the radical feminists who think that women like me are poor, f******-up victims. It's such a grey area, and this is what I want my blog to reflect."She added: "Sex work - or writing about it, at least - has totally boosted my confidence and self-esteem as a woman."The Skinny's next issue will be dedicated to promulgating its liberal stance on prostitution, promoted by a section of its paper that used to be called LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Transexual and Bisexual) but is now called Deviance - a move that was controversial in itself.Rupert Thomson, its editor, said the magazine was dedicated to creating a "social effect". He said: "It's important to support sex workers because they are routinely denied a voice and others consistently insist on speaking for them. It's a typical irony that those who think they know what's best for sex workers tend to advocate laws that are damaging to them. We want to initiate conversation."The sex industry splits opinion drastically, which reflects the fact there's a lot at stake and there are no easy answers, and we thought the supporting voice needed a greater airing. We want to promote a positive sexual attitude all round."Its stance directly contradicts the current orthodoxy, which hinges on the assumption that prostitution is a form of violence against women, instead favouring an approach that considers the relaxation of current laws.Thomson continued: "They say it's the oldest profession, and you've got to think at least some of those transactions weren't abusive."Jan Macleod, from Glasgow Women's Support, worried that the blog would perpetrate the "male fantasy of the happy hooker", a woman who enters sex work voluntarily and enjoys her work.Research conducted by her group - passionate advocates of strong laws on prostitution, including those passed last year that criminalise the men that buy sex - indicates women in the sex industry only report positive experiences 9% of the time, most of which correspond with the handing over of money.She said: "I don't get the argument that suggests because prostitution worked out for one woman, it should be legalised. The opposite is true. The fact that a very small number of women come out of it with money and a decent level of life in no way makes up for the fact the life expectancy of most sex workers is severely shortened by their work."However, there is a clamour in parts of Scotland for a more liberal stance on sex work. George Lewis, co-chair of ScotPep (Scottish Prostitutes Education Project), a group set up to promote "health and dignity in prostitution", said: "Any informed debate is healthy. In the case of The Skinny, where its readers may be the policy-makers of the future, it is particularly important.""The next battle will be on the issue of criminalising the purchase of sex," he added.
"A woman needs to feel appreciated to have sex. A man feels appreciated when he gets sex."
"A woman needs to feel appreciated to have sex. A man feels appreciated when he gets sex." "It's not that I don't love my husband. I want to spend time with him but it's simply that daily life is exhausting," working mom Angela Cox added.
Gynecologist and sex therapist Dr. Maureen Whelihan said she hears that from women every day. They're wiped out and so is their sex drive. Whelihan said, "It just sounds like so much work so they'd rather not." So why after a long tiring day at work are men "ready for love" and women are not? "Because sex for men is a stress reliever while sex for women requires stress relief," Whelihan explained.
And stress relief is something that women are often missing. Working, caring for children, cooking and cleaning can leave them feeling not only exhausted but also unappreciated and resentful. "You can't mention enough the grudges women are holding. Their angry thoughts that they think they are expected to do too much and not being recognized by their partner," Whelihan said. There's a simple solution according to Whelihan. It's something she recommends to her sex therapy couples.
Step one: Men should take over the wife's household duties two nights a week.
Petrella said, "Definitely. If you're freed up from those responsibilities I think you're a little perkier at the end of the day." On their night off, Whelihan recommends women exercise, have a glass of wine, read a book or do something that relaxes them. "What my husband and I will do occasionally is when I get home before him, I will sit in his recliner and he'll wait on me. And those are good nights," working mom Laura Masiello said.
Step two: If possible, plan a date night and send the kids to grandma's or a friend's.
"They tell me every day: 'I'm just waiting for that knock on the door.' So it needs to be a night that women know that there are no children coming home," Whelihan said.
Step three: Guys, set the mood. "Really what women want is passion. They want to be touched non-sexually initially," Whelihan explained. Working mom Carol Romanelli said, "Seduction. I'm tired but you can seduce me into it ... very easily!"
Light some candles, turn on the music and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
"It sounds corny to the guy and 'Why do I have to go through all this?' But five minutes of that means a world to your partner," Whelihan said. "Just a touch that's a non-sexual touch that just says, I'm here to relax you. It will always lead to the road that you want. You just have to get it going that way."
In addition to fatigue, hormonal changes, medications and depression can also lead to low desire, Whelihan said.
Gynecologist and sex therapist Dr. Maureen Whelihan said she hears that from women every day. They're wiped out and so is their sex drive. Whelihan said, "It just sounds like so much work so they'd rather not." So why after a long tiring day at work are men "ready for love" and women are not? "Because sex for men is a stress reliever while sex for women requires stress relief," Whelihan explained.
And stress relief is something that women are often missing. Working, caring for children, cooking and cleaning can leave them feeling not only exhausted but also unappreciated and resentful. "You can't mention enough the grudges women are holding. Their angry thoughts that they think they are expected to do too much and not being recognized by their partner," Whelihan said. There's a simple solution according to Whelihan. It's something she recommends to her sex therapy couples.
Step one: Men should take over the wife's household duties two nights a week.
Petrella said, "Definitely. If you're freed up from those responsibilities I think you're a little perkier at the end of the day." On their night off, Whelihan recommends women exercise, have a glass of wine, read a book or do something that relaxes them. "What my husband and I will do occasionally is when I get home before him, I will sit in his recliner and he'll wait on me. And those are good nights," working mom Laura Masiello said.
Step two: If possible, plan a date night and send the kids to grandma's or a friend's.
"They tell me every day: 'I'm just waiting for that knock on the door.' So it needs to be a night that women know that there are no children coming home," Whelihan said.
Step three: Guys, set the mood. "Really what women want is passion. They want to be touched non-sexually initially," Whelihan explained. Working mom Carol Romanelli said, "Seduction. I'm tired but you can seduce me into it ... very easily!"
Light some candles, turn on the music and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
"It sounds corny to the guy and 'Why do I have to go through all this?' But five minutes of that means a world to your partner," Whelihan said. "Just a touch that's a non-sexual touch that just says, I'm here to relax you. It will always lead to the road that you want. You just have to get it going that way."
In addition to fatigue, hormonal changes, medications and depression can also lead to low desire, Whelihan said.
Friday, 14 November 2008
Cyberdildonics technology integrates telepresence and sex, transmitting or receiving the physical sensation of "touch" across a network
Cyberdildonics technology integrates telepresence and sex, transmitting or receiving the physical sensation of "touch" across a network for erotic purposes.The term was created in the 1980s by internet pioneer Ted Nelson, who also coined the term hypertext. He used it to refer to computer-controlled masturbation devices paired with either a virtual reality environment (allowing users to have simulated sex with remote partners) or a computer-generated partner.In Howard Rheingold's 1991 book Virtual Reality, he described the supreme teledildonic apparatus as a "diaphanous bodysuit, something like a body stocking but with the kind of intimate snugness of a condom." The suits were loaded with an "array of effectors," and someone wearing one could use haptic technology to touch or be touched by someone else half a world away.The idea was seized-upon by the sex industry and they found some technologists willing to help them create a happy medium between the fantastic fetishistic possibilities of Star Trek's 24th-century Holodeck and the limited reality of 20th-century technology.In 1999, porn producer Vivid Entertainment created a prototype of Rheingold's sex suit, a neoprene bodysuit equipped with 36 strategically placed sensors that, at the click of a mouse, could each deliver one of five sensations - tickle, pinprick, vibration, hot or cold - to a wearer's erogenous zones. Vivid was weeks away from launching its product when the U.S. government raised concerns about safety - specifically the potential for pacemaker wearers to be electrocuted and the dangers of electrical surges when excess moisture was introduced into the bodysuit. Rather than risk lawsuits and bad publicity from a series of "Wet Panties Kill Horny Girl" headlines, Vivid scrapped the product and went back to what they were good at - producing porn.The sex industry's labs proceeded to release many rather frightening and ridiculous-looking devices not based on cyberdildonic technology.Men did all sorts of silly things with their penises, sticking them into The Virtual Sex Machine (www.vrinnovations.com) which promised to create "a realistic experience" and strapping on the Digital Sexsations Little Black Box (which plugged into a nine-pin cable port!) to try and get their rocks off.
Girls and Boys who wanted cyberdildonic insertables were sold products that (on the other end) plugged into their computer's USB port for power, but for the most part weren't actually interactive (from a multi-user perspective). The few devices which did allow remote interactivity accepted simple vibrator commands (on/off & a speed control) through a crude web interface. Participants wanting a more stimulating experience going or coming over the wires needed to add webcams - and many did. Once the basic devices were available, many people with toys started seeking drivers and many drivers started seeking people with toys.
The Internet Friends Network (www.ifriends.com) started up to connect these people with other "friends" around the world, and that's when critical mass was reached. As more people acquired cameras and toys, and others acquired the desire to control these devices, the community and the demand grew quickly. That, in turn, has brought about the next logical force of 21st-century technical development: The Open Source Movement.
Open Dildonics (www.opendildonics.org/) is a recently-launched open-source group that plans to develop and provide software and hardware schematics free of charge, allowing the general public to construct and run their own Cyberdildonics equipment.
Its current focus is the development of a working prototype to be controlled both locally and remotely via a computer's parallel port. The device will be cross-platform compatible (for PC and Mac), and the designers want to extend the communication layer to include Bluetooth and WIFI devices for hands-free operation. The possibilities for this second, emergent generation of telepresent sex toys are endless and spectacular.The Sinulator (www.sinulate.com), for example, is a sign of things to come. It has a space-age physical interface that evokes images of Dr. Frankenstein creating a sex toy: a children's driving toy crossed with a garish misconception of sexuality. Using a flight-simulator-like Flash interface, the "pilot" in the "cockpit" remotely controls a Rabbit Habit vibrator in a variety of ways while watching the effects on a webcam. The controls are: throttle (rotate); slider (vibrate) and three buttons that execute combined rotation and vibration programs. Sights and sounds are the rewards for a successful mission. Other sex toys, including an Interactive Fleshlight for men, can also be used with the Sinulator.All a Sinulator pilot needs to play this particular "video game" is access to the Internet. The controls will work on just about anything (Mac, PC, Linux, Palm, WebTV, airport kiosk, etc.). And, of course, the manufacturers have built their own community site (www.sinulatorcams.com) so users of their products can connect online.
None of this, unfortunately, comes even close to simulating the sensations of wet tongues, soft fingers, skin against skin or a warm body in the morning. But if anybody can make this happen, it's the open source movement. After all, who needs to get laid more than Linux users?
"The concept of [cyberdildonics] is something that sounds great," says Cory Silverberg, principal buyer for Toronto sex shop Come As You Are, "but the reality so far has been pretty disappointing. We don't carry anything that's marketed as tied with teledildonics, because all the products out there are horrible."
Girls and Boys who wanted cyberdildonic insertables were sold products that (on the other end) plugged into their computer's USB port for power, but for the most part weren't actually interactive (from a multi-user perspective). The few devices which did allow remote interactivity accepted simple vibrator commands (on/off & a speed control) through a crude web interface. Participants wanting a more stimulating experience going or coming over the wires needed to add webcams - and many did. Once the basic devices were available, many people with toys started seeking drivers and many drivers started seeking people with toys.
The Internet Friends Network (www.ifriends.com) started up to connect these people with other "friends" around the world, and that's when critical mass was reached. As more people acquired cameras and toys, and others acquired the desire to control these devices, the community and the demand grew quickly. That, in turn, has brought about the next logical force of 21st-century technical development: The Open Source Movement.
Open Dildonics (www.opendildonics.org/) is a recently-launched open-source group that plans to develop and provide software and hardware schematics free of charge, allowing the general public to construct and run their own Cyberdildonics equipment.
Its current focus is the development of a working prototype to be controlled both locally and remotely via a computer's parallel port. The device will be cross-platform compatible (for PC and Mac), and the designers want to extend the communication layer to include Bluetooth and WIFI devices for hands-free operation. The possibilities for this second, emergent generation of telepresent sex toys are endless and spectacular.The Sinulator (www.sinulate.com), for example, is a sign of things to come. It has a space-age physical interface that evokes images of Dr. Frankenstein creating a sex toy: a children's driving toy crossed with a garish misconception of sexuality. Using a flight-simulator-like Flash interface, the "pilot" in the "cockpit" remotely controls a Rabbit Habit vibrator in a variety of ways while watching the effects on a webcam. The controls are: throttle (rotate); slider (vibrate) and three buttons that execute combined rotation and vibration programs. Sights and sounds are the rewards for a successful mission. Other sex toys, including an Interactive Fleshlight for men, can also be used with the Sinulator.All a Sinulator pilot needs to play this particular "video game" is access to the Internet. The controls will work on just about anything (Mac, PC, Linux, Palm, WebTV, airport kiosk, etc.). And, of course, the manufacturers have built their own community site (www.sinulatorcams.com) so users of their products can connect online.
None of this, unfortunately, comes even close to simulating the sensations of wet tongues, soft fingers, skin against skin or a warm body in the morning. But if anybody can make this happen, it's the open source movement. After all, who needs to get laid more than Linux users?
"The concept of [cyberdildonics] is something that sounds great," says Cory Silverberg, principal buyer for Toronto sex shop Come As You Are, "but the reality so far has been pretty disappointing. We don't carry anything that's marketed as tied with teledildonics, because all the products out there are horrible."
Women in a loving relationship aren't as conscious of penis size as men.
JUST about every man would like his penis to be that extra inch or so bigger.
Men have always tended to eye each other up nervously when they get the opportunity but the anxieties have probably got worse now that Internet pornography and sex videos are so much more widely available. The men in those are specially selected just because they are exceptionally large, and so blokes get the feeling that is the norm when actually it is abnormal. That said, though, a very few men do have cause for concern because they never developed properly. Statistics for penis size vary but the latest reliable research is that the greater proportion of penises are usually around 5 cm/2 inches long when soft and range from 11.5 cm/4.6 inches to 15cm/nearly 6 inches when erect, with the average being 13 cm/5.2 inches – about the size of a large tube of toothpaste, as someone pointed out. You shouldn't feel too bad if you notice that other men seem much larger than you when you see them in the showers or changing rooms. For one thing, willies do tend to average out in size when it matters - that is erect - and you should bear in mind that, when you see other men's tackle, you're seeing them from a different angle - you're looking across at theirs and down at your own, which has a foreshortening effect.
And don't forget that your penis is very clever, and shrinks upwards and presses itself close up against the body for warmth and safety when you're anxious or cold - as in that changing room. You will probably get a more cheering view of your equipment if you try looking at yourself, when you're warm and relaxed at home, in a full-length mirror, which is how others see you. Even if you do still worry you're on the small side, it really won't spoil your love life - or your partner's satisfaction. Women in a loving relationship aren't as conscious of penis size as men. In fact, too large a penis causes women far more serious concerns than a small one. When I do hear from men who say women have laughed at the size of their penis, in almost every case it is because they were having casual sex with women who barely knew them, and certainly weren’t in love with them. Casual sex is all about judging each other by physique and performance, not intensity of feelings - nor even quality of sex. What really makes a good lover isn't size below the belt but how sensitive and sensuous, informed and imaginative you are. Your hands, mouth and whole body matter as much if not more than your penis, and women get the most exciting sensations, not through the vagina itself but through the clitoris, which you stimulate with your hands, mouth or groin, not your penis. If your partner complains of lack of sensation, it may well be that she has a problem, nothing to do with your anatomy. In which case, suggest she write to me and I'll help her sort it out. If it is your loving that is at fault, then it's not that you need to grow an extra inch but that you need to develop more skills and sensitivity as a lover. Choose deep-penetration positions or those where the vagina is “closed off” a bit. Go for entering from behind, or her on top but leaning backwards – anything which alters the slant of the vagina will make you feel larger to her and increase sensation. In the missionary position, put a pillow under her bottom and suggest she keep her thighs pressed close together with your legs outside hers. Thrust hard and deep – though check with her before and after to make sure she’s enjoying the sensation. If you tend to climax quickly, masturbate often. All penises have roughly the same number of nerve endings in the head. If yours is small, this means it’s going to be more sensitive. The more you masturbate the less sensitive you’ll become, and so less liable to suffer from premature ejaculation, especially if you practice controlling your climax while you’re doing it – explained in more detail in my leaflet on Self-help for Premature Ejaculation. Go for variety. If you’ve made her orgasm through oral sex, masturbation and given her a wonderful sensual massage, you take the main focus off intercourse, which eases the pressure for both of you. Most women find it difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, so she’ll be happy with the change in emphasis.
If you're still worried, you may wonder about pills, creams and gadgets which are advertised to boost penis size. Basically, none of them work in any significant and permanent way.
At best you can waste a lot of time and money. At worst, you could even damage yourself. The vast majority of men are best advised to accept themselves as they are.
Your penis is just one, very human, part of you. Learn to love it.
Men have always tended to eye each other up nervously when they get the opportunity but the anxieties have probably got worse now that Internet pornography and sex videos are so much more widely available. The men in those are specially selected just because they are exceptionally large, and so blokes get the feeling that is the norm when actually it is abnormal. That said, though, a very few men do have cause for concern because they never developed properly. Statistics for penis size vary but the latest reliable research is that the greater proportion of penises are usually around 5 cm/2 inches long when soft and range from 11.5 cm/4.6 inches to 15cm/nearly 6 inches when erect, with the average being 13 cm/5.2 inches – about the size of a large tube of toothpaste, as someone pointed out. You shouldn't feel too bad if you notice that other men seem much larger than you when you see them in the showers or changing rooms. For one thing, willies do tend to average out in size when it matters - that is erect - and you should bear in mind that, when you see other men's tackle, you're seeing them from a different angle - you're looking across at theirs and down at your own, which has a foreshortening effect.
And don't forget that your penis is very clever, and shrinks upwards and presses itself close up against the body for warmth and safety when you're anxious or cold - as in that changing room. You will probably get a more cheering view of your equipment if you try looking at yourself, when you're warm and relaxed at home, in a full-length mirror, which is how others see you. Even if you do still worry you're on the small side, it really won't spoil your love life - or your partner's satisfaction. Women in a loving relationship aren't as conscious of penis size as men. In fact, too large a penis causes women far more serious concerns than a small one. When I do hear from men who say women have laughed at the size of their penis, in almost every case it is because they were having casual sex with women who barely knew them, and certainly weren’t in love with them. Casual sex is all about judging each other by physique and performance, not intensity of feelings - nor even quality of sex. What really makes a good lover isn't size below the belt but how sensitive and sensuous, informed and imaginative you are. Your hands, mouth and whole body matter as much if not more than your penis, and women get the most exciting sensations, not through the vagina itself but through the clitoris, which you stimulate with your hands, mouth or groin, not your penis. If your partner complains of lack of sensation, it may well be that she has a problem, nothing to do with your anatomy. In which case, suggest she write to me and I'll help her sort it out. If it is your loving that is at fault, then it's not that you need to grow an extra inch but that you need to develop more skills and sensitivity as a lover. Choose deep-penetration positions or those where the vagina is “closed off” a bit. Go for entering from behind, or her on top but leaning backwards – anything which alters the slant of the vagina will make you feel larger to her and increase sensation. In the missionary position, put a pillow under her bottom and suggest she keep her thighs pressed close together with your legs outside hers. Thrust hard and deep – though check with her before and after to make sure she’s enjoying the sensation. If you tend to climax quickly, masturbate often. All penises have roughly the same number of nerve endings in the head. If yours is small, this means it’s going to be more sensitive. The more you masturbate the less sensitive you’ll become, and so less liable to suffer from premature ejaculation, especially if you practice controlling your climax while you’re doing it – explained in more detail in my leaflet on Self-help for Premature Ejaculation. Go for variety. If you’ve made her orgasm through oral sex, masturbation and given her a wonderful sensual massage, you take the main focus off intercourse, which eases the pressure for both of you. Most women find it difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, so she’ll be happy with the change in emphasis.
If you're still worried, you may wonder about pills, creams and gadgets which are advertised to boost penis size. Basically, none of them work in any significant and permanent way.
At best you can waste a lot of time and money. At worst, you could even damage yourself. The vast majority of men are best advised to accept themselves as they are.
Your penis is just one, very human, part of you. Learn to love it.
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