It’s true that a meaningful relationship can send your spirits soaring. However, when you can’t experience joyfulness or wholeness unless you’re in an affectionate union, this may indicate a serious issue. Everyone needs to love and be loved. Research alleges babies may pass away if they’re not held and rocked.
Nevertheless, if you place a paramour’s needs before your own to the detriment of your physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being, there’s trouble with a capital ‘T.’ Ignoring your interests, welfare, security, and safety to avoid being alone, is destructive behavior.
The media continually glorifies the idea of star crossed lovers who can’t live without each other and are willing to sacrifice or undertake negative deeds to please the object of their fixation, e.g. “9 ½ Weeks,” and “Romeo & Juliet,” both the epitome of doomed, ruinous, injurious liaisons.
Many will accept bad conduct bordering on abuse rather than split. It’s a matter of life and death for those in this category. Without a dearest, they’re unable to function. They’re constantly looking outside of themselves for happiness. They’re calm and content when connected as a couple, angry and hostile when not.
Typically, this group consists of adults who were abandoned, neglected, or unwanted as children. They’re currently looking to fulfill the inherently, fundamental requirements that were never met and the resulting emptiness. The problem is that no human can be your alpha and omega. Disappointment, despair, and loneliness inevitably transpire.
The solution is to discover your inner power, strength, beauty, and creativity, realizing you deserve the best, precisely as you are. The unconditional love and acceptance you’re searching for is deep within, at your primal core.
Tapping that source is a challenge to embark upon, especially growing older having experienced several failed involvements/marriages. You may have exhausted years looking for love in all the wrong places with all the wrong candidates.
Generally, a love addict has extreme difficulty leaving a deleterious bond, no matter how frequently or severe the mistreatment. Confidantes and cohorts are astounded to observe their cherished companions settling for a partner who degrades, humiliates, insults, molests, beats, assaults, batters, exploits, manipulates, and/or controls.
Quite a bit refute suggestions of a predicament and choose to cold-shoulder the pink elephant in the living room. They reunite ad infinitum after promises to reform, engaging in a dangerous dance of demise.
A preponderance lose jobs, homes, money, sanity, friends, and family, because they’re incapable of operating, focusing, showing up, assuming responsibility. Supplementary addictions, e.g. drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex might flair up as a temporary fix. Denial and defiance is part of the dilemma. Acknowledgment and honesty is part of the cure.
Accordingly, it’s crucial to retain close links with your support system and social circle, particularly when your honey insists you spend the bulk of your time together, to the exclusion of third parties. Their objective viewpoints are vital when you’re mind is muddied and you’re strung out, intoxicated, drunk on love.
As discussed last week, your brain chemically changes when you’re smitten and hence, if you’re on cloud nine and can’t see the forest through the trees, you’re literally in a daze and blinded.
Do you have associates who disappear when they’re dating and reappear after a breakup? Are they “fair weather friends,” who put a ‘hopefully ever after’ first? Do they cancel plans with you at the last minute to be with him/her? Is their demeanor distinctly different in the presence of an intended?
Is your sense of merit based on the amount of phone numbers collected at an event from contenders allured and intrigued by you? Do you incessantly obsess over how to get a guy/gal in the sack, to return your attention, to prevent rejection?
What can be done to satisfy that enormous bottomless pit that seems insatiable, to lift your self- esteem to a point where you won’t fall into the trap of being used and abused by your ‘happily ever after?’
Begin at the beginning. Reparent yourself. Treat yourself as you would an infant who mandates cuddling and coddling, who’s perfect, pure and an example of unfettered innocence. Imagine how you’d regard your child or a person you care about immensely and comport yourself likewise.
You would never call a cherished child names, demean them, or convey that they’re trivial and unimportant. You would never ignore or put them down when they’re at their lowest.
Rather, you’d build them up, cheer them on, and encourage them through rough times. You’d repeatedly remind them how precious and priceless they are, how they make a difference in your world, and how grateful you are for their existence.
In addition, you’d make sure they’re clean, neatly groomed, have plenty of rest, sleep, proper nutrition, exercise, and an abundance of tenderness and fondness. You can never respect and honor a child too much. In the same vein, you can never revere and marvel at yourself too much.
You’d hold the amore you adore when they’re melancholy, laugh with them when they’re jubilant, embrace them when they’re scared, communicate words of wisdom when they’re confused, cheer them on when they’re attempting something new, offer optimism when they’re hopeless, and profess appreciation regularly.
It sounds simple but isn’t always easy since it entails turning these principles to deeds. Nonetheless, that’s the essence of Reparenting, imperative to heal the shame that binds you to negative, damaging actions and beliefs, keeping you tied to toxic attachments.
Although you may be uncomfortable adorning your home with positive affirmations, hugging yourself daily, and telling yourself how amazing you are, don’t fret. It’s impossible to over indulge in this manner.
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